Old news

So I finished the knitting and felting portion of my bag about a week or so ago. I have just been excruciatingly lazy about getting the pictures onto the computer and then uploaded, MAINLY because we do not, at the moment, have Photoshop, so resizing them is a pain. Regardless, in the interest of documentation, here are the photos of the bag (well, really it's more of a clutch) that I created.


Look at the fine stitching on the word dope!

Here are the felty pictures. Felting was a rather smelly but thoroughly rewarding step. (please excuse the bottles of grög, it is being used as a vase, as is the pink lemonade bottle)


With vegetables inside (a tomato, potato and sweet potato), so that you may approximate the size of the bag:


I am currently working on a latch to keep it closed using i-chord, as well as scheming to purchase a felting needle so I can decorate the back (it's a little boring at the moment...)

But, it is, at the moment, USABLE AS A BAG, so it is, for the most part, finished.

NEXT PROJECT: The Inevitable Scarf. I am still working up the courage to try a sweater, and figure that despite my plethora of scarves that I already own/have made, I should make another one for Ithaca, mainly because I am So Afraid Of Being Cold. It would be comical, if it weren't so pathetic, how much my laziness is influenced by the possibility that I might get cold. "I could get ready for bed, but that would mean changing into my pajamas which might result in briefly getting a little chilly. I'll just sit here and watch another episode of A Bit Of Fry & Laurie on YouTube". The scarf is halfway done and is creamy white with brown flowers.

'hedgehog as weapon'

The article in the BBC news this morning, about a man who used a hedgehog as a weapon (he through it at a 15 year old boy) evokes the same feelings in me that the signs for a lost turtle decorating the trees in my neighbourhood.

1) It's so sad. So sad.
2) It's one of those things that makes me so sad, all I can do is laugh because I am so uncomfortable.

The Only Way To Crown Your Throne

I'm so excited that Ryan and I may get to buy a house, I'm already thinking of ways to decorate it. I totally admire my friend Margo's taste in furniture and I helped her move this last weekend and remembered how much I like it. Since we are discussing most likely not bringing our furniture with us to Ithaca, (although the anxious, borderline OCD, nervous wreck inside me finds that prospect alarming), it does get to mean that I get to pick out new furniture. I'm hoping to steal Margo's combination of pretty antique furniture with more modern, clean lined pieces and splashes of colour.

More than anything, I'm excited about potentially having multiple bathrooms to decorate, ever since I found this website. I sort of want to get one right away, but then if I match it to our current bathroom, who knows if it will match the one in Ithaca?

My dog has learned to clean up after himself

A few days ago, Ryan made a tart:It was delicious. We had eaten all but one slice as of this morning, which I noticed was sitting on the counter this morning when I woke up. I thought to myself:

"I must not forget to put that away before I leave Jeeves here alone with it."


Then I promptly forgot to put it away before I left Jeeves alone with it. As soon as I got to work, I remembered. On my way home I started seeing images of shattered pyrex and pie all over the kitchen and sure enough, as soon as I opened the front door, he tried to dart out with his tail between his legs. I thwarted this attempt and he then shot into the bedroom and curled up on his bed. I walked into the kitchen and nothing. No shattered pie plate. No bits of apple smeared across the linoleum. Not even an uneaten pie sitting calmly in it's dish where I'd left it. Nothing. I checked the fridge to see if I had actually put it away before I'd left and just forgotten.

Then I looked in the sink, where, sure enough the dish was sitting, empty.

So Jeeves had eaten the pie and then put the dish in the sink.

Now if only I could get him to clean up his toys.

Making soup out of things I find in the fridge that have been labeled: Need To Be Eaten

Last night:

Lentils (2 cups? 1.5 cups?)
Chopped up 1/2 bulb of fennel, browned in olive oil, garlic, salt & fresh cracked black pepper
Chopped up potato, browned in the same
All tossed into water with
a chopped up tomato
Cumin
Oregano
Thyme
Salt
Pepper
Garlic
Lemon juice

Yum!

I guess I'll stick to tea, then.

According to this article, if you're looking for a stimulant, caffeine is a greener choice than cocaine. Of course there are more gruesome reasons not to do coke, that I have learned about from a former Navy Seal.

For a number of reasons, this reminded me of something Ryan told me when we were first seeing each other:

"You're not like any of the other girls I've dated."

"Why do you say that?"

"The other girls were all squares."

I responded in kind. All the other guys I've dated were photographers, painters or musicians, certainly not rocket scientists or anything close to it. They were gregarious, super creative emotional wrecks that usually did not make green choices (see above).

I'm so happy I broke that trend. (Honestly, the guy draws his own paycheck and doesn't ever ask me to buy him cigarettes!)

----------------------

On the knitting front: I have almost completed a bag, knitted in the round, out of chocolate brown 100% worsted weight wool. I just have to finish the flap to close it and seam the bottom. Oh and knit a strap for it and felt the whole project. And then I want to decorate it with green leaves. But I've got to find a felting needle for that.

Okay. So not almost completed. But almost, almost completed. Pictures soon!

Troglodyte

I was in a terrible mood last night and I apologize for the use of the word "troglodyte." It was unfair and unnecessary, I just really like the word. And (clearly) tend to overuse it.
I was bitter and my brother's ex-girlfriend most certainly did not deserve that epithet.

I have since mastered knitting in the round on double pointed needles. Sweaters and hats for everyone to follow.

------------------

We are building the guest list for the wedding and getting ready to send out the invitations. Mainly gathering everyone's mailing address.

We received a wedding invitation recently that featured an engagement photo where the groom had eyebrows that would have looked more appropriate on a Puerto Rican drag queen. They were waxed and filled in with a dark pencil. They weren't actually on a Puerto Rican drag queen, they were on a very happy, smiling, clean cut guy in a brand new sweater and button down shirt, clearly bought for the occasion.

Anyway. Back to our list. It's a little confusing. Do you invite people you used to be close to and at one point would most assuredly have been on the list and yet you don't really talk to them much anymore? Do you invite people you've only known for a few months, but are quite close to and would most certainly invite to any other party that was not a wedding? Do you invite people you really don't want to see but propriety indicates that they should be invited? Do you invite your fiance's ridiculous ex girlfriend that a) insisted that she did not ever want to meet you unless he was "serious" about you and b)when he contacted her, via email, to tell her he was going to get married she responded inappropriately and outrageously with jealous, rude, angry and intrusive emails finally demanding that he cease contact with her, despite her desire to remain close to his family? Do you invite close friends of your close friends that you end up hanging out with all the time?

brain hurts

I am not known for my patience and patience with myself is probably the shortest.

Years ago, while at a horse show in AZ:


I was bored and miserable for a number of reasons, so I started to knit. I hadn't really done any since I was little, but some trips to a local Jo-Ann Fabrics to pick up braiding equipment (for some reason there were no braiders at this show, so I braided everyone's horses in addition to my own. This may have been part of the reason I was miserable) I walked through the knitting section and thought that it might be fun to start again.

I knit a bag - basically just a rectangle in garter stitch that had two longer rectangles coming out of one side of the corners that I then joined to the other corners. I then bought the Stitch & Bitch book. I knitted a hat and a few scarves and another bag.

Soon after this I moved to SF where I was much busier and much more depressed and thus much more easily discouraged. My main discouragement, besides my own impatience and lack of funds was my brother's awful girlfriend sitting on my couch every day knitting. She even knit at parties - she would sit on the couch, barking at people occasionally, rudely interrupting my conversations, all while knitting a delicate, beautiful powder blue sweater that would fit her beautifully. She started AFTER me. She bought the same book as me. She refused to discuss knitting with me AT ALL despite several rebuffed attempts on my part. I had thought that this was something to bond over, a positive thing because she was such a difficult person, rather than another way for her to feel like she had to compete with me (my brother says she was terrified of me). She also got a lot better than me a lot faster, which made it worse. She was a nerdy engineer, so I'm sure that reading knitting patterns was like reading code and came easily to her, as opposed to me who tends to skim and look at entire pictures - details just get in the way. Something about reading knitting patterns just irks the hell out of me. Of course I realize that looking at knitted stuff, admiring it, wanting to knit it and then knitting it means you have to follow a pattern. But me being miserable, discouraged and impatient with myself in addition to my couch (read: knitting) space being taken up by a rude troglodyte just made me give up.

I have started again, thanks to various inspirations. One of them being La Nina's fabulous scarf/shawl that I saw first hand at Christmas time among other projects of hers, another inspiration being Margo's scarf making and a third being the realization that I will be alone and cold in Ithaca and it seems like a very apt thing to do.

So I started with a ribbed rectangle that was way too wide for a scarf. I frogged that despite a very pleasurable few hours spent knitting it. Then I decided I would learn to use double pointed needles to knit a bag. More on this later when I have stopped scaring the dog with my profanity.

I really want to master this but it incorporates literally All The Things I Am Terrible At. Paying attention, little details, patience and practice among a few other things.

ARGH.

Dinner last night

One of my favourite people came over for dinner last night. This was the menu:

Sprouted Mung Bean Chaat
Potato-Fennel Soup
Cranberry Juice
Lemon Meringue Pie

I started sprouting the mung beans last week when I was really craving the mung bean chaat salad that Junnoon serves. Junnoon is, I'm convinced, the only good restaurant in Palo Alto. I like Vino Locale as well but the service is so appalling, in addition to the fact that the food they serve are things we make at home plus the fact that the owner, Randy, insists that it is a wine bar and not a restaurant, bring it in under Junnoon.

So. Not actually wanting to walk to Junnoon, and realizing that I had mung beans left over from an adequate but not fantastic casserole, I realized that I, myself, could sprout the mung beans and make my own chaat.

Of course it takes days for this, so we ate something else for dinner that night.

To sprout the mung beans, I went to the Sprout People website and vaguely followed their directions. I basically put the mung beans in a bowl, left them to soak for 12 hours, rinsed them and put them in a flatter dish and then continued adding water as the beans drank it up or changing it as I deemed necessary.

I then looked up a few recipes for chaat, but found them all to sound not quite right (Why does everyone want to put cilantro in things? It's like this giant secret plan to make all our food taste like soap), so I combined the ingredients that I liked based on the recipes I found and my own memory of Junnoon's fantastic dish and came up with (please bear with me, I don't remember any of the amounts):

Diced cucumber
Diced tomato
Sprouted mung beans (duh)
Dried mint
Lemon juice from 2 ridiculously tiny lemons (damn you Improved Midtown Safeway! I should have gone to the Milk Pail!)
Sugar
Cinnamon (Ryan thought I added to much at first, but after chilling, I feel that all the flavours complemented each other)
Cayenne
Salt

Yum! As I said, it chilled in the fridge for 2 hours and I meant to take pictures and next time I 'speriment, I will.

The potato-fennel soup recipe straight from the New Moosewood Cookbook by Mollie Katzen (strangely not available on the Moosewood Restaurant website) coincidentally given to us by Ryan's aunt Marcia for Christmas. We didn't know we were moving to Ithaca then. Here is what we made, it's different from the book mainly because we didn't have the right amounts of anything. But that's one of the best things about the Moosewood Cookbook - that sort of stuff does not matter.

some oil/butter
2 cups thinly sliced onions
some salt
3 strangely shaped, quite large potatoes
1/2 a fennel bulb, minced (in retrospect, we wished we had used the whole bulb)
toasted caraway seeds
4 cups of water
white pepper (Ween!)

Added oil to soup pot, then onions and a little salt. Cooked over a low heat, so they are soft and brown. Added potatoes, some salt, fennel, caraway. Sauteed for a few minutes and then added water.

Bring to a boil and then simmer until potatoes are soft. Blend resulting soup so it is nice and creamy (that wasn't in the recipe book). Serve with minced fennel feathers on top (that was).

So we had a yummy, "rib sticking" soup with a crunchy fresh salad. Entirely vegan! Well. Until dessert.

Ryan made a yummy, yummy lemon meringue pie which I was mostly involved in via beating eggs whites or stirring egg yolks or mixing things and which I will be eating for breakfast.

Judge denies firing-squad bid

I am, alas, unwell.

Anyway.

In August I wrote about The Amplification of the Con, the con being a homeless guy from the Tenderloin who makes bids on and attempts takeovers of multi billion dollar corporations.

Well. It seems he's going to have to pay a fine of $900,000.


The judge denied his request for death by firing squad.

I am -alas- forgettable.

It seems, once again, that people do read this blog after all. In September, I wrote about not liking doughnuts and in it, I mentioned a frustrating conversation with a then friend of mine, Jared Raskind. He, apparently, found my blog and didn't remember me, leaving the following comment:

"UHHHHH....who are you? This is "photographer Jared Raskind"
I don't remember this conversation. Please refresh my memory."

Oh well. People may read my blog, but it turns out I am forgettable. We were quite good friends for a few months, going to get dinner here and there. We went sea kayaking once. Then he casually mentioned that he was thinking of moving to LA. I never heard from him again. I met him through an ex boyfriend and then summarily started casually dating his other friend, who became his roommate and who is now his business partner (the "Smallz" in Smallz and Raskind).

I hope that he didn't take offense to my entry about our conversation regarding Steven Spielberg, I was merely trying to point out my frustration with having opinions associated with a certain "kind of person" but not necessarily feeling like I am that particular person and feeling punished for having opinions. I really enjoyed his friendship as brief as it may have been, I enjoyed that he argued with me.

more pictures

Icicles and beer

For those of you that want to be eco-friendly alcoholics, the Green Lantern suggests drinking from the tap.

In other news:

Unlearn

I have so many things to unlearn! :

Ryan called this evening on his way to super hero practice and I was sure that it was because he had wrecked the truck. Until I answered and he had actually called to tell me that there was an interesting Terry Gross interview on the radio. This is not the first time he's called and I have been sure that it was something dreadful like that. I learned this line of thinking or rather my brain wired itself that way after several phone calls (clearly not from Ryan...) which that was the case .

"Alice. I need you to come and pick me up. I ran out of gas on the highway."

"Alice. Alice. Wake up. I crashed your car."

"God dammit! Some fucking bitch was on the wrong side of the road. I need you to come get me. The bike's trashed and my knees fucked up."

"Alice. Hey. Yeah. So I just got back from the hospital. I rear ended some Asian guy on my bike. The bike's totaled."

"So. I crashed the truck."

"So. I crashed the bike. Again. I have to have surgery. No, I don't know what happened. No, I don't remember. No! I don't know how it happened! They're putting pins in my foot."

In other news:

We went to Ithaca!

It was like Narnia!

Pictures soon!

Quick Story.

Last night, for some reason I can't remember, I was reminded of an incident that occurred in the 7th grade although it took me several years afterwards to realize how weird it was.

After school, almost everyday for several months, a boy named Sean would call me to chat. I didn't think about it at the time, but he probably had a crush on me. One day I stated a desire to have my navel pierced. He said,

"EWWW. What??! That's gross."

I asked why.

"Girls don't have navels."

I think I tried to explain to him that yes, they do because everyone does. But the realization of the oddness of his statment years later begs a much stranger question.

What on earth did he think a navel was?

Paul Simon

I always wondered if Paul Simon wrote the song "Allergies" in anticipation of needing some quick cash, later on in life.

"Well. I might be doing all right now, but you never know what sort of substance addiction I might develop or serious lawsuit might come up against me. I'd better write a song I can sell to Proctor & Gamble now rather than later."

Speaking of allergies, I have them. BADLY. I think the worst I've had since I woke up next to Lake Tahoe, literally covered in that awful yellow pollen that blankets that whole region during the midsummer months.

I fled my house: I believe I am allergic to something in it. I woke up this morning, after 12 hours of sleep, disturbed once by my alarm clock that I had forgotten to turn off and once by Jeeves, who required his usual morning micturation at 5:45. Other than that, I was out like the proverbial log and barely able to lift the blankets off of myself at 11:30am.

I felt like I was walking through pea soup as I made my way to the living room and collapsed again next to the pile of clean laundry. I folded 2 shirts and then decided I should take a shower. Back through the soup again to the bathroom.

Finally at about 1:00 after a loratadine, a shower and a cup of tea, I thought I should take Jeeves out. I felt considerably better outside, but no completely. I came home again, piled him and myself in the car and fled to my parents house, laundry still uncompleted.

This is disheartening.

I promised myself I would clean the house today. I made a deal with myself that I would. There are people coming over tonight! One of them is someone I went to high school with and haven't seen since!

This is disastrous. Because instead of returning home, I am writing a blog entry, trying to inspire myself by looking up knitting patterns, writing emails and watching the clock.

3 hours until they're supposed to arrive: I must remember to pick up a bottle of wine. At least the glasses are clean.

2.75 hours. I guess I could move the laundry into the bedroom. As long as I fold it before I go to bed. As long as I fold it before I go to bed.

2.5 hours. It's so uncomfortable being there. What on earth am I going to do?

2.25 hours. I have no idea where Kresge auditorium is. I'd better look that up.

2 hours. Crap! 2 Hours!

And so on.

good bye!

clean desk clean head. I'm gone.

Note: I don't like dougnuts

As mentioned here and here, quoted from the NYT:

"Noted avant-garde film auteur, philanthropist and fashion designer, Alice"Bojangles" B----, said candidly in an interview with Fast Company that doughnuts are played out, too sugary and mostly, too round.

"What's with the shape? A circle with a hole in it? Come on - so predictable. Sheesh. I mean I get the whole campy - white trash thing, but can't the same effect be achieved with Rice Krispy Squares and Tang?"

She further criticizes doughnuts by calling them the "Hitler" of snack food and claiming responsible for keeping the working man down."

I'm looking for employment in Ithaca.

OMFG! MY DREAM JOB! I'M SO EXCITED I'M SHOUTING!

Bloomberg Television

Finally, a network where the subjects of the interviews are even uglier than the people on C-Span.

Yesterday there was a guy with some form of arsenic poisoning and today it's tracheotomy man. The only reason these guys are allowed anywhere near the lens side of the camera is because they are very very very very very very very very extraordinarily very very rich and everyone wants to know how they became very very very very very very very very extraordinarily very very rich.

Hypocrite!

So only just the other day, I was complaining about the Life of Brian and how the ending is awful. So awful, in fact, that I pretend that I've never seen it.

"Oh you're English? I just love British Comedy. Have you seen The Life Of Brian?"

"Yes, just not the ending though. For some reason, despite the fact that I've seen it a few hundred times, mostly on Comedy Central and in fragments, I've just never managed to catch the ending."

You see, I think Eric Idle's songs are awful. I think that they are trite and pandering and so unlike the rest of the comedy associated with Monty Python. They're instantly the first thing Americans like about the program because it's really obvious, dumb humour (no offense). HOWEVER last night, while feeling frustrated and sorry for myself for a number of reasons*, I found the following and have posted it for mutual enjoyment.



So I am, indeed a hypocrite. I don't know why I think it's so much funnier than "Always Look On The Bright Side," it's certainly just as inane.

Lists: Angsty nervey ouch!

+ Last night my shoulder cramped, painfully. If I had not done as poorly as I did in Human Anatomy, I would be able to tell you what muscle it was. It is still bothering me.

+My mother 64 year old mother has decided to buy a six year old Arab. Arab horses are well known to be ridiculously smart, flighty and insane. I disapprove. I am wary. She consistently disregards my advice and prefers to listen to some woman she knows named Tracy. This is because Tracy does endurance and not hunter/jumpers and as such, the things coming out of Tracy's mouth are things my mother has not heard before, and therefore "correct." I'm worried my mother thinks she's buying one of these:

When, in fact, it might be one of these:


+ Speaking of horse, I have been looking in Ithaca for places to ride. I have sent 2 emails and not heard anything. I am worried that I am asking too much of the places I am emailing. All the places I have found in the area look like weekend rider* barns. I do not wish to be a weekend rider. I am anxious because I am already terrified about what I will be when I go there. I don't have a job, I don't have any nearby friends, it doesn't seem to have much of a nightlife. I'm having trouble sleeping because of the raised eyebrows from people who know me and who know Ithaca.

"What are you going to do there?"

+The place I found that I thought would be great for the wedding is great. It's just half the size it needs to be. Not to mention some guy I went to high school with works there. So that source of frustration is back on the plate.


*weekend rider: the horsie equivalent of a crazy cat lady. Usually a Monty Roberts (a "horse whisperer") fan, they wear sweat shirts that say awful things like "Use the Force" and "A Woman's Place is On A Horse!" They usually have not bothered to educate themselves about proper horse care, preferring to get most of their information from such films as Black Beauty and Flicka and other films that feature horses as "magical saviours for all of life's problems" when really they are just like any other very expensive thing and not at all like really big Labrador Retrievers.

Craigslist (again)

Doing more research on Ithaca and I've found a job!

a little more than a assistant.

---

ATTENTION LADIES LOOKING FOR A FUN and informal part-time situation/job.

I am a Business owner, executive, looking for a hot personal assistant who can serve as my personal assistant and hot playmate. Please send your information, qualifications, picture and contact info ASAP.

Must be sexy and stunning! Great personality and playfulness required! I will only respond to candidates that provide a picture.

I am respectful, professional, mid 30's. Contact me today to explore this opportunity. Understand what I am looking for, an attractive female, honest, has some brains and business experience (can add up checks, make bank deposits, etc), and willing to be a 'playmate' of sorts.

If this is something you are interested in, please drop me a line today. I am a normal guy, not crazy, not weird, just trying to fill a gap in my life. "I'm not crazy or weird." HA!

Researching Ithaca | European Presidency

I'm trying to find out what it's going to be like to live in Ithaca. In addition to researching the geography of the area, weather patterns and what's available on Craigslist, I went to Sperling.com and looked up some statistics about housing and living costs. I found this comment, by Rob from Cortland:

"Finding a place to live is virtually impossible if you aren't loaded to the gills with money! Rent is out of this world and buying a home is out of this universe."

This alarmed me. I already live in a place where housing costs are out of this universe.
Then I read this:

"However if you have a good 1000 to blow per month on rent and dont mind that then its the town for you."

And breathed a sigh of relief, tinged, slightly, with snobbery. $1000 a month? That wouldn't get you a refrigerator box with a hot plate in this town. Maybe in Mountain View. Not here though.

"The county is very poverty loaded. Jobs are few and far between unless your a teacher or medical professional."

Once again, a little anxiety. What the hell am I going to do there?

"It is well known to be a haven for the Hippy type however they must be yuppie hippies since a real hippy couldnt afford to live here."

Oh dear.

"Its also a well know haven for upstate gay people they have domestic partnerships."

Indifference. It makes no difference to me how many gay neighbours I have, as long as there are plenty of gay bars.

"They dont list the crime rate for the city here but it seems to me to be a high one compared to nearby towns."

I wonder what he means by this. As far as I can tell, there aren't any nearby towns worth mentioning.
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In other, much more important news, Tony Blair wants to run for President of Europe. Fortunately, people are already rallying against him. Can you imagine a world with Hillary Clinton as President of the US and Tony Blair as President of Europe? It seems my dreams of moving to Bhutan might need to be examined more closely.

Bollywood Archive

Forgot to add this link and spread the word:

www.bollywoodarchive.blogspot.com

A hilarious misuse of work time, provided you have the ability to listen to the tracks.

More lemmings.

Much more watchable for me than Life of Brian:

Lemmings

-I've been asked to locate a specific American Idol clip, download it and turn it into something that can be used to demonstrate individuality. Apparently the show (I've not watched it) is "deep" and exemplary of the current popular temperament of approval seekers - "it's not about the contestants, it's about Simon Cowell" and his ability to command legions of idiots with his approval or disapproval.
I don't want to watch any American Idol. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. Yesterday it was Life of Brian which was mildly tolerable but still irritating. I find it funny that I'm supposed to demonstrate "lemming*" mentality and how pervasive it is by using a film that everyone has seen, too many times. "Oh you're English? I just love British Comedy! Have you seen the Life of Brian?!"

-6 more days of waking up early. 6 more days.

-Rain!


*by "lemming" mentality, I am of course referring to the early 90's video game because in actuality, the small rodents do not follow each other around, committing mass suicide. This was a myth that was made famous by a Disney documentary, where they chased lemmings over cliffs in order to make their "facts" "true".

Ryan's Birthday Feast

It was Ryan's birthday yesterday and he is firmly entrenched in his middle late 20's now (I am still in my late middle 20's). I want to start keeping track of the delicious meals we make, so I thought I would start with this one (although technically, I have entered recipes here before).

We had:

Garlic, Chick pea and Spinach Soup
Field Roast Grain Meat Co. Celebration Roast with onions and mushrooms
Tomatoes with tahini-yoghurt dressing

For the soup (From Vegetarian Flip Book for Cooks, edited by Martha Day, published by Hermes House, 2001):

30 ml/2 tbsp olive oil
4 garlic cloves (more if desired...)
1 onion, roughly chopped
10 ml/2 tsp ground cumin
10ml/2tsp ground coriander
5 cups vegetable stock (I used Better Than Bouillion)
12 oz potatoes, peeled and finely chopped
1 tbsp cornstarch
2/3 cup of double cream (I couldn't find it so I used heavy whipping cream and Ryan & I took turns beating it until it was reasonably thick)
15 oz. can chick peas
2 tbsp tahini (I actually used more, I can't get enough of this stuff)
7 oz. shredded spinach
cayenne pepper
salt & fresh ground pepper.

I started by chopping everything and getting it all ready. Then the onions and garlic went into the soup pot with the olive oil. I got them nicely browned - the onions should be translucent and it should start to smell yummy. Next, I added the cumin and coriander. The instructions said to cook for 1 minute - I almost burned everything here, because I don't think I used enough olive oil to brown the onions and also get the spices in. No matter though, the brown stuff at the bottom is just flavour!
Next, I added 5 cups of water plus the Better Than Bouillon and the potatoes and let that boil for 10 minutes. This was followed by the chick peas. While that cooked, I mixed the tahini, cream, salt, pepper, cayenne and cornstarch. This involved whipping the cream a little bit. When the chick peas and potatoes were tender, I added this mixture plus the spinach.
This cooked for a bit, until it was ready to be eaten.

In retrospect, I would have added more cayenne and possibly would try the recipe sans cream if I made it again. Don't get me wrong - the cream was delicious and added nicely to the rest of the soup, I just prefer to not eat lots of cream, for several reasons.

Ryan was responsible for the roast, he cooked it in a bread pan with mushrooms and onions he cooked in a red wine reduction. All of these were basted in more Better Than Bouillon.

For something fresh, I sliced up some tomatoes and mixed tahini with yoghurt, minced garlic, salt and fresh ground pepper. It tasted delicious and was really creamy (something about mixing the yoghurt with the tahini produced a lovely texture) but next time I might try to make it less cream and more dressingy (read: pourable rather than spreadable).

Wine pairing: This meal would have gone quite nicely with a nice red wine, maybe a cab, however we had ginger beer instead.

Stuff White People Like

Stuff White People Like

143 million pounds of beef

I'd like to point out that 143 million pounds of beef was recalled -the largest amount ever- due to abusive mishandling of sick cows, namely prodding and harassing "downer" cows (ones that are unable to walk) with electric prods and forklifts, to slaughter. I'm pointing it out because I think it deserves more attention than it received and I'd like to say "fuck you" to the beef lobby, I'm sure it was you who was responsible for the Sunday release of the story and it's subsequent burial. I'm also pointing it out because I think that the fact that the term "downer cows" exists is disgusting, as it demonstrates exactly how prevalent "downer" cows are.

Here is the NY Times version of the story, published yesterday (I heard about it on the radio on Sunday) but buried in the Business section. As far as I know it did not appear on the front page, I had to find it by using the search function.

I'd also like to direct my dear readers who simply must eat meat (must you?) to this website:

www.oliverranch.com

It is a much more humane way to get your meat and, I'm told, much tastier. Carrie is a very nice person and has done a lot of research putting the project together.

Malicious and Ilegal Activity

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Your Internet Protocol address is listed on a blacklist of addresses involved in malicious or illegal activity. See the listing below for more details on specific blacklists and removal procedures.

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Received after trying to post a comment regarding an animated gif of a dachshund wearing a construction helmet and floating up and down by power of flapping it's ears. I posted this because I think it's funny that my work IP address is listed as "blacklisted" and "involved in malicious or illegal activity" by my brother's blog.

Malicious or illegal activity like increasing rich people's power and wealth and doing so by riding on the backs of the People and absolving oneself of responsibility by claiming hard honest work, despite the fact that hard honest work didn't really get you the money in the first place, you inherited it from people who themselves obtained it by using/abusing the working man?

Lists: apprehension and exhiliration

Last night, Ryan and I came to the conclusion that we could possibly afford to own a home in Ithaca. The median house price there is $255,000 as opposed to where we live now, where the median house price is $1.5 million.

This was an amazing excitement and I went to sleep thinking about what color I would paint the walls and what sorts of bulbs I would plant in the garden and how much money could go towards horse shows if we were spending less on a mortgage than we would on rent.

-----

I do have some reservations about living there. I'm concerned about the long dark winters, particularly the first one where I might not have many (any?) friends. Something I have learned about myself is that despite the fact that I really need time away from people, I am desperately unhappy if I do not have a social outlet. It's part of what I hate about this job - I constantly felt isolated, marginalized and ignored, sitting in my little corner while the same people walked passed my desk every day and barely nodded in my direction. In addition to this, I was never given an opportunity to prove myself because every independent move or decision I made was met with disappointed discouragement. I constantly felt Jennifer Aniston in this memorable and frequently quoted scene from Office Space:



Particularly when I was told that I needed to be a "Superstar [sic]" but then not being given a definition of what that was. Nina's suggestion was something along the lines of this:



But with more glitter strewn.

But I digress. Things I am excited about with regards to the move:

*Snowy winters
*Living near a lake
*Living near the Moosewood Restaurant
*Riding again
*Buying new winter clothes on sale this spring
*Maybe getting a 2nd Jeeves. Although Ryan said -not another cattle dog- I think that we need one that will most certainly play with him until he gets tired. So something lazier but not too lazy.
*Only having one car.
*Lots of hiking and outdoorsyness
*Not knowing anyone
*Lower cost of living ($800 rent instead of $1800)
*Being sort of close to NYC, Boston & Toronto.


View Larger Map

Things that fill me with apprehension:

*Being cold a lot
*Not knowing anyone
*Suburbanness
*College Townness
*Not having a job or any idea what sort of job I can get
*Being poor

Jesus loves ClipArt

Far be it from me to be overly judgmental. I found this blog and will leave you to draw your own conclusions about how bored someone must be to master the Microsoft Word "Draw" tool.

http://freeprintablesforyou.blogspot.com

Elephant Teenage Pregnancy

There is a "Jumbo" outrage in Australia regarding an elephant's teenage pregnancy. Apparently, she is only 9 and according to Erica Marting of the International Fund for Animal Welfare, this is like allowing your 12 year old daughter to get pregnant.

Here's the thing.

I find zoo's generally upsetting places. I realize that a lot of them are working towards animal conservation and a lot of them are make grand efforts to make the enclosures habitable and as close to the natural habitat as possible, however places like the San Francisco Zoo or worse, the Santa Barbara Zoo leave it quite obvious that the animals are completely bored and have had their lives stolen from them so that people can stare at them all day long. They resort to eating their own shit and pulling their hair out.

BUT.

Erica Martin is missing a large chunk of information here. Sexually mature 12 year old humans are totally capable of mating and breeding, just as sexually mature 9 year old elephants apparently are. She might find the idea abhorrent but that doesn't make it physically harmful. I think the world is a better place for one more elephant being brought into it and she shouldn't be anthropomorphizing - Thong Dee gets enough of that being stared at all day long.

The reason why it's such a tragedy for a 12 year old human to have a child is that our society is not equipped for these things and modern 12 year olds are not emotionally equipped. Our bodies certainly are - I've talked to ob/gyns that find it a crying shame how easy it is to deliver babies to teenage mums, we're supposed to start giving birth at a young age, no matter how horrifying that thought may be.

I've put in my notice.

I just told them that 29 February would be my last day. This is funny because it will be exactly a year since I left FHS, trying to forge a non horsie career.

I am going to work part time for a publicist which is going to be interesting work. I'm excited to do it because I really like Paula and she shares the same attitude as me with regards to being totally invested in the projects we are involved with.

A lot of people have told me that this is a bad way to work. I end up not making enough money or working too much or not enough, if I don't like the project (honestly how invested can you be in an expense report other than discerning sordid details about someone, such as they eat at the same nasty airport restaurant every time they fly, including after the return flight home, which can only suggest that they enjoy eating airport food). Unfortunately, this is the only way I know how to work - to do fantastic work when I love the project and not finish things I hate, with mildly tolerable jobs finishing somewhere in the middle.

I am attempting to improve this aspect of myself and frustratingly put this mindset into practice the first day I started this job. I say frustratingly because it my tenacity, well-meaning and positive attitude didn't mean anything with regards to nebulous job descriptions and an absent minded boss.

Karen inspired me greatly once with a post - it note stuck on her computer that read:

I give myself permission to do a mediocre job.

I have applied to be an instructor in Walnut Creek. I have really good credentials for this and hope that they hire me. I think that any drawback that I may present is that I live so far away. I will actually be quite upset if I don't get at least an interview - I am quite aptly qualified. This is one of those jobs I would love and consequently do a fantastic job. It appears to have none of the drawbacks of my previous instructor position and all of the positives.

I constantly wrestle with the fact that I am no longer involved in the horse world. I used to complain about people trying to identify with me when I told them what I did for a living and now I find that people have nothing to identify with me.

I wonder if looking for another job with horses is some kind of manifestation of my personal insecurities. I feel like I really miss riding and I know that's a huge part of it, but am I also terrified of spending the rest of my life explaining to people at cocktail parties that I used to be interesting and now I'm not?

Which brings me to my almost former job. At first I threw myself into it and loved it. Then I became complacent and bored, when I started getting piled on with menial tasks. Then I got to loathing and resenting it - my banking on the goodwill of completing these tasks did not result in any sort of increases in responsibility, attention or position improvement, indeed it just resulted in even more menial tasks. With this frustration, I stopped running (well, I was also injured and the injury has taken a stupidly long time to heal), stopped hiking, stopped seeing friends as much and became seriously frustrated and at least for a few weeks, I'm sure, rather unpleasant to be around. My personal self improvement goals, such as being more organized and keeping a neater house have gone by the way side.

I have been released however. I will receive 3 months severance and in 5 months, we will starting on our big drive across the country as newlyweds. In the mean time, I will finagle horses into my life again, take classes, work for Paula and clean my fucking house.

Nasty Little Grape Eater.

The above is a picture of Jeeves. Up until recently, we referred to him as a House Otter for obvious reasons.

That has all changed though.

1. He is, surprisingly, a terrible swimmer.
2. He stole grapes off the counter last night.

Ryan, in a fit of discipline, sent him outside and yelled:

"Don't eat our food! Nasty Little Grape Eater!!"

What to do, what to do?

I'm considering an alternate plan to my original one. You see, I've recently been laid off due to restructuring and been offered 3 mos severance starting when I have secured a new position or when they have hired an admin for the whole office (a position I had no interest in - I had been promised a full research assistant position for the non-profit arm of the company until the CEO decided that he wanted the project all to himself and that left no room for me). Since I had been casually looking for another full time job already, because I don't like mine, mostly because of the god awful hours, I thought when I was first informed of this restructuring, I would just increase the intensity of my search and move on to another full time position.

Some New Shit has come to light though and there's a 99% chance that we'll be moving to Ithaca in August. The 1% chance of not moving there is if we discover a pork fat rendering plant or something equally offensive that they don't talk about on all the tourism sites. Cornell was Ryan's first choice and he didn't get into his second (Stanford).

Since this New Shit has come to light, I've thought about alternatives to just heading into another full time job. Mainly, just getting a part time job and supplementing that with activities such as planning a wedding, planning a cross country move, volunteering somewhere, and finally, getting a start on those design classes I keep talking about.

I went to the Foothill website to look at what they have to offer for the spring quarter. Rather than restrict myself to just design classes, I opted to look at the whole spring quarter schedule.

Here are is a sampling of classes I can take.

ALCB 201

BEGINNING LIP READING

.5 Unit

ALCB 413X

RELAXATION TECHNIQUES

0 Units

T C 54

SELLING CRUISES

4 Units

I can't wait.

I think that there must be a way to combine all the skills I learn in those classes to make something lucrative.

In all seriousness, I'm a little disappointed that the courses I actually want to take are offered online. Granted this is cheaper in terms of gasoline, time, etc. but I really do best when I am forced into human interaction. It could be a competitive streak in me, but I do much better when I have other people potentially judging me.

These courses that are all offered online only are either courses in the graphic design department or in the annoyingly labeled: Computers On The Internet department, clearly named by someone who's progressive forward thinking interests has afforded them the discovery that computers are "on the internet" now. Whatever that means. You know, you can send and receive messages to people on this internet thing? They're calling it "electronic mail." Isn't that a hoot? It's also got a wealth of information these days. Wacky!

Regular Romps

'Sexercise' yourself into shape

The NHS has some new advice for people struggling to schedule a fitness routine into their daily lives - a workout between the sheets.

According to the NHS Direct website, "sexercise" can lower the risk of heart attacks and helps people live longer.

Endorphins released during orgasm stimulate immune system cells, which also helps target illnesses like cancer, as well as wrinkles, it states.

Sexual health experts said such claims could not be scientifically proven.

"It's good to see the NHS are promoting sexual wellbeing," Dr Melissa Sayer told the Guardian newspaper.

"Yes, there is evidence that sex has benefits for mental wellbeing, but to say there is a link with reduced risk of heart disease and cancer is taking the argument too far."

NHS Direct, however, told the paper the content was "backed by science and clinical evidence" and "isn't just a bit of fun".

'Regular romps'

The advice, published under the headline "Get more than zeds in bed", is one of several sexual health-related articles to be found on the NHS Direct website.

Sex with a little energy and imagination provides a workout worthy of an athlete, the article says.

If you're worried about wrinkles - orgasms even help prevent frown lines from deepening NHS Direct

"Forget about jogging round the block or struggling with sit-ups.

"Sex uses every muscle group, gets the heart and lungs working hard, and burns about 300 calories an hour."

The advice suggests "regular romps this winter" could lead to a better body and a younger look.

Increased production of endorphins "will make your hair shine and your skin smooth," it adds.

"If you're worried about wrinkles - orgasms even help prevent frown lines from deepening."

The article goes on to say that orgasms release "painkillers" into the bloodstream, which helping keep mild illnesses like colds and aches and pains at bay.

The production of extra oestrogen and testosterone hormones "will keep your bones and muscles healthy, leaving you feeling fabulous inside and out".

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/health/4703166.stm

Published: 2006/02/11 04:16:27 GMT

© BBC MMVIII

Angels & Airwaves 2

I've decided to turn the project down as they seem to want to pay me pittance. I did get compliments on my writing samples though. Here's one:

Autumn in Downtown Santa Barbara

The best time of year to visit Santa Barbara is early to mid autumn. The temperate climate provides you with blue skies, clear air and a view across the Pacific to the Channel Islands. Stay at the Simpson House Inn for a Slow Food Santa Barbara recommended hotel – included in the stay is a full vegetarian breakfast and evening hors d’oeuvres featuring local Santa Barbara wines.

If you’d rather venture to town for breakfast, downtown is walking distance. A casual yet sophisticated breakfast, the Pierre LaFond Bistro is located on State Street and opens at 7am. They serve bagel sandwiches made with organic eggs and a host of seasonal, fresh ingredients in addition to the recommended breakfast burritos, featuring creative ingredients such as sautéed leeks and Pasilla Chilis.

Pierre LaFond is situated right on State Street. If you turn right leaving the bistro, you will encounter all sorts of shops including the Paseo Nuevo mall just two blocks up and across the street.

To your left is a walk to the Pacific Ocean, Stearns Wharf and the beach. Stearns Wharf has the Santa Barbara Shellfish company where you can purchase locally caught crabs and other seafood.

On Tuesday afternoons the Santa Barbara Farmers Market takes over downtown. It’s a great way to meet locals and get a feel of Santa Barbara as it is quite a popular way to spend the afternoon. There is usually a variety of street musicians and plenty to sample.

For lunch, another great spot on State Street is the Natural Café. Order at the counter off a vegan friendly, mostly vegetarian menu, which includes fruit and fruit juice smoothies or creamy shakes (soy milk available upon request). They serve traditional, hearty lunch food with a healthy twist, like tempeh tacos or baked potatoes stuffed with steamed vegetables and tahini ginger sauce.

A few blocks up is the Santa Barbara Museum of Art which, although small, usually has a tasteful collection of work. The Santa Barbara Botanical gardens are 10 minutes away, located in Mission Canyon (a great place to find trail heads for hiking, as well). It’s dedicated to the research, education and conservation display of California Native Plants.

For dinner, Bouchon is the place to go for seasonal, fresh ingredients as well as a regional wine menu that has earned Wine Spectator magazine’s Award of Excellence. Chef Josh Brown draws influence from Thomas Keller (French Laundry), Daniel Boulud (Restaurant Daniel) and Alice Waters (Chez Panisse).

Finish the evening with dessert at Epiphany and if they aren’t having live music there, after you’ve finished your seasonal fresh fruit tart walk over to SoHo and catch some live Jazz to finish the evening.

Angels & Airwaves

I've decided to try some free lance writing and I was given a "test" assignment this afternoon. I'm supposed to write a band biography of the band "Angels & Airwaves." Unfortunately, this band is awful. It features the lead singer of Blink-182 among other pop punk sensation band members. The worse part is that all the interviews I find of the above mentioned lead singer, Tom Delonge, he seems to take himself as a serious musician.

I mean, on par with the likes of Roger Waters, Robert Smith and Sting in regards to influence (I use those examples because he himself mentions them in this comically egotistical interview) .

As far as I can tell, he's made a career of writing 3 chord songs and having a stupid haircut. Not that all 3 chord songs are terrible, but his certainly are. It's like he thinks that because he can sell out a stadium just as easily as they can, his music is as influential, meaningful, innovative and lasting as Dark Side of the Moon or Regatta de Blanc, when really it bears about as much influence on music as the Monkees. I hardly think that in 10 years there are going to be emerging bands listing Blink-182 or Tom Delonge as any sort of influence other than trying to avoid selling out as they have done.

Grow-Your-Own-Bodyparts! Made in Finland! Just Add Blood Serum!!

A Finnish patient has successfully undergone an upper jaw transplant with a jaw that he grew in his own abdomen, using stem cells harvested from the patient's fat.

!!

My disfigurement worsens

The blister on my lip has worsened. The skin that was protecting it adhered to a tissue I was using to wipe my mouth and was brutally torn off. This was followed by bleeding and soreness and general irritation, I have described it to some as "horrifying" and "unpleasant."

For several reasons, I have chosen not to illustrate the extent of the injury by way of digital photograph. One, I fear it would be too graphic for those with a weak constitution. Two, the digital camera on my phone is terrible and might not accurately portray the extent of the injury - I am loathe to mislead my readers and my journalistic integrity is paramount. Three, It's more fun if you have to imagine it.

My disfigurement

In keeping with the tradition of documenting injuries/medical affilictions of myself, I thought it necessary to post the following picture:

If it is not clear what the injury is (because I used a camera phone to take it), perhaps the following better illustrates it's location:

This occurred because after a particularly grueling dentist experience yesterday to fix a chip in my tooth, I was left completely numb on the left side of my face for several hours. Apparently I take a lot of anesthetic and the particular nerve that was needed to be reached is "high" compared to most people - it took 3 separate injections to find. Those hours of numbness happened to include my traditional dining hour and I accidentally consumed part of my own lip, discovering it not because of the pain (that came later) but because I started bleeding profusely.

New Jersey Should Be Canceled.

My friend Robert sent me to this website. My particular favourite is the shifty eyed one at the bottom in the pink suit. And why on earth do all the women look so normal? It's like they find orange pineapples attractive or something.

More Ways to Spoil Her Valentines Day

I went to the Vermont Teddy Bear website and looked at the wares as instructed to do by a commercial.

The commercial features a split screen, on one side a close up of one of the (many) available bears (starting at only $49!) and the other side one of several girls with JC Penney Catalog good looks dances around with either said teddy bear or said teddy bear plus the male who presumably gave it to her. Often, the bear and the girl are wearing matching outfits. At one point the camera closes in on a guy's (heart shaped) tattoo. For some reason.

I saw earlier today. There's a category on the first page called: "Show Her You Know Her." I'd like to point out that just the fact that you are giving her a present should tip her off that you have, in fact, met her. And giving her one that's dressed in an outfit that matches her job (a nurse gets a nurse bear, a homemaker gets homemaker bear, the Mexican maid gets Mexican maid bear) doesn't necessarily mean you know her other beyond reading her MySpace profile. I was going to make a joke about "business casual bear" but I can't because they actually have a business casual bear. I also feel that I should stop here because making fun of this website is just too damn easy. (Okay, one more: Huggable Hunk Bear - Someone has decided to sexualize a bear by putting him in boxer briefs. You can also choose to have a personalized, hear shaped tattoo on this particular bear. What a nod to Christian weirdos and their pervasive, persistent sexual confusion and misinformation).

I fantasize about the type of women excited by these gifts. She's probably a little overweight. She might have really long hair, the length of which is a point of pride for her. She definitely collects things. She may or may not have a tattoo on the small of her back or possibly her calf - if she does, it's of some Disney character and it was done poorly. She wears scrubs every day (possibly for no good reason other than "They're comfortable!" except for when she goes out to dinner (her favorite restaurant is The Olive Garden) which time she puts on a pair of jeans, a hoodie, ridiculous, ugly chunky black patent platform sandals and too much makeup. She loves animals but has little to no contact with them regularly, unless she is, of course, a vet tech. Her bedroom is pink and frilly, despite the fact that she's 29, because she's desperately trying to stay 12 but still wants to appear sexy and attractive.

I find these sorts of things depressing. I fail to understand what kind of meaning someone can derive from being given a dressed up bear beyond the fact that he was willing to spend fifty bucks. I am pained by the fact that so many women would find the gift of one of these objects thoughtful and sweet. Finally, man hating feminist I am not, I find the idea of being given a toy, meant for children, a little demeaning.

Spoil Her Valentines Day

The other day, we were on a shopping trip to the Milk Pail to buy some vegetables for a leek and potato soup (we made it last night and it was delicious, similar to this recipe).

Ryan mentioned as we walked from the car buying me a teddy bear for Valentine's Day and I burst out laughing.

"You would never, ever buy me a teddy bear."

"You're right. You got me."

There was some talk of exactly why he would never buy me a teddy bear, something along the lines of what's the point, it just sits around, I'm a grown woman, etc.
-------------------------
I got to work this morning and have had occasion to glance at the television screen that is just above my computer monitors, partially obstructed by a pillar.

Right now, a cross eyed black man is arguing with a bearded man in a tan suit with a pink tie. The pink tie standing in front of a green screen, displaying a picture of what looks like Big Ben. It's on mute, so I'm just watching their faces while they shout.

There was a commercial earlier for Teddy Bears that you can buy online. Yesterday, it was really ugly pajamas - cotton knit shapeless pink tank tops with baggy flannel trousers or red velor twin sets. One set I noticed were pink and featuring candy hearts with cutesy phrases written on them.

In the commercial, the women comes down some stairs with an alluring look on her face while an anxious and apparently aroused male watches. She seems quite pleased and unabashed to dance around for him despite the unflattering nature of her garments.

It's such a dischord: cheesy shots of champagne and roses on a bed and then an embarrassingly-over-30 woman walks in wearing pajamas that 13 year old might find babyish and embarrassing to bring on a sleep over.

You can purchase these pajamas at the following website:

www.pajamagrams.com

The website has a particularly poor design: when I first visited it I perceived the text on one side to read

"Spoil Her Valentines Day"

When really it reads:

"Spoil Her This Valentines Day"

Perhaps it was some sort of subconscious reading because anyone who gave me anything as hideous as those pajamas would certainly spoil my day, Valentine's or not.

If Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd Do Something To Shut Anne Coulter Up:

Found this link, on my friend LaNina's blog. Strange, but true. Anne Coulter supports Hillary Clinton for president - leaves a bad taste in my mouth and a strange feeling in my stomach, kind of like a Safeway Deli Sandwich.

This is good for those of us liberals who have voted against Hilary: I can't think of a worse person to endorse something.

Vote No on Hillary Clinton

I cast my vote today.

It it my patriotic duty to help prevent the country from being run by
Hillary Clinton.

I also determined to cast my vote as a consumer: I shall never again
buy a sandwich from the Safeway Deli, until such time as sweeping deli
reform is undertaken.

-Ryan

Also, lest your liberal friends start looking to John McCain for the answers: go to his website and look at his position on just about everything. It's a lot worse than you hoped.

We're doomed.

$20,000 Coffee Machine

This article in the NY Times reports on a $20,000 coffee maker. It looks like a cartoon science kit, with glass jugs suspended halogen lamps instead of flames.

What I want to know is, with the rise in prevalence of coffee aficionados, pseudo coffee aficionados and morons who "just have to have their Starbucks," why the hell can't any of the "baristas" (an annoying moniker if ever there was one) ever make a decent cup of tea? Certainly they are not the same thing, but if they have to be trained to use the fancy contraptions to make grande mocha lattés, they can learn to brew a decent cup of tea.

Tea should be lovingly, gently steeped in hot water, not scalding. A lot of people leave their tea bags in the tea while drinking it - I'm not sure why except perhaps due to ignorance, impatience or maybe even laziness, but if you drink tea this way, it will start out being too weak (and too hot, if you get it from a coffee shop) and then it becomes too bitter as the tannins have over taken the flavour. What's the point?

*Note: Ryan insists that the coffee maker cannot be halogen powered as the NY Times purports it to be as halogens are inert and cannot power anything.

Soy Milk and Britney Spears

My chair points me directly to the flat screen television which is on all day long at work. I've heard they even have one in the men's bathroom, so that you don't miss anything while you are peeing.

Here is an example of something you might miss:

According to CNBC this morning, soy is apparently a solid investment these days as its popularity is increasing. There is not enough soy to go round and it is closing in on corn as the crop that fuels the world. Credibility of this story soy as an investment is leant by showing a reporter, live, standing in the soy milk aisle holding a carton of Silk ™. Also helpful: a B-roll interview of a purported “health conscious” someone who buys soy milk with the byline “Soy Milk Consumer”:

“I had thought it would taste really bland, but it really doesn’t!”

It’s hard, however, to take any “news” story seriously, no matter how many credibility lending attributes the producer has tried to give it such as shots of tractors being driven around, soy beans being poured from one receptacle to another and smug news anchors seated at a desk with two open laptops in front of them, when it’s followed by “CNBC’s Unofficial Obsession with Blonde Celebrities Indicator” featuring shots of Britney Spears being taken away in an ambulance.

She’s not even very blonde.

Lists: Odd Things

*The garbage disposal in the kitchen sink is a model called the “In-Sink-Erator”

*My iGoogle account features a little fox like creature that goes about his day, while I go about mine. I’m fiercely jealous of him because his day is spent waking up, doing a little laundry, hanging out with his bird friends, eating sushi, reading a book and harvesting his watermelons. Mine is spent watching him do these things, periodically, throughout the work day.

*I got a missed call yesterday from a 415 number. I Googled it, as I do with every unrecognized number I get. I’m quite guilty of the modern day cell phone protocol of taking full advantage of caller ID: I never answer numbers I do not recognize and I usually don’t answer restricted/unknown numbers unless I’m expecting my parents to call. Once, in college, my number was mistakenly printed in the local Pennysaver classifieds as the contact information for an entertainment center among other various items. I answered the first call because it was the area code was the same as mine and I thought perhaps it was an old friend trying to get in contact with me. The man asked about the entertainment center he’d seen advertised and I said,

“I’m sorry; I believe you have the wrong number. I haven’t placed any ads in the Pennysaver.”

He responded with “Oh. What about the speakers?”

I had a few more calls like this; most people were apologetic, one person was quite rude and accused me of lying to avoid selling the center to him. I finally stopped answering the phone calls and, upon further introspection decided that if it had been an old friend, they would have left a message and I could have called them back. So I stopped answering phone numbers I didn’t recognize.

The results of my Google search yesterday were surprisingly fruitful. Typically, when you Google a number, it doesn’t really tell you much except that perhaps the owner had a Verizon account at one point. This one came up with one search item and it was a phone book entry for San Francisco. From someone I went to high school with. Not someone I ever spoke to or had any contact with in any capacity: he was a weird, skinny kid with a terrible hair cut and 2 years older than me. We had no mutual friends/connections except we potentially bought pot from the same people. So it had to have been a wrong number, but a wrong number from someone whose identity I recognized? Very odd.

Poor Planning

One of the rainiest days of the year and I forgot to wear a coat.

ROOM FOR RENT, L@@K!

I love Craigslist listings that are written as though the author is having a conversation with you. Or rather, shouting at you.

"PLEASE DO NOT WASTE TIME BY ASKING IF YOU CAN MAKE PAYMENTS ON SECURITY DEPOSIT OR FIRST MONTHS RENT. OH NO BUDDY, NOT HAPPENING. NOT LIKE THAT LAST JERK WHO NEVER PAID. I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON. WON'T BE DOING THAT AGAIN."

Okay, the last three sentences were made up. But "OH NO BUDDY, NOT HAPPENING" was real. And it really was in all capitals. I think illiterate people do this out of laziness. Lazy literate people just don't capitalize at all and while this is acceptable for personal, casual emails, it shouldn't be for an advertisement. Correct punctuation, correct grammar and correct spelling exist for a reason: uniformity makes for ease of communication and lessens the chance of misunderstanding.

For purposes of Craigslist though, it also weeds out the people that you don't want living with you or acting as your landlord.

"very nice mobilehome avalible close to freeways,shoping,cc collage perfer male"

More Craiglist follies: When Ryan was looking for someone to take over his room, he got at least 2 requests from parents/older relatives, soliciting information about the room for their adult child. One was for a 19 year old kid, the other was for a 30 year old grad student!

"I'm responding to your ad on Craigslist. My 22 year old son is looking for a room to rent. He has been living at home until now, because they failed to cut the chord when he was born and thus I have never left him alone for more than 20 minutes. He decided recently that he needed to find his own place. Seeing as I indulge every whim of his, so that he can concentrate on getting into Harvard Law School as well as the Fuqua School of Business without worrying about mundane details such as paying bills, dealing with disappointment and tying his shoelaces, I've taken responsibility for his search. As I prefer to shield him from distressing situations, I would like to view the place before he looks at it to make sure that it will provide an atmosphere conducive to him fulfilling his potential for success as well as appropriate for a few "peculiarities" of his - he must have a south facing window as he burns easily in direct sunlight, he is allergic to soy, nuts, milk, parsley, fish oil, fruits and vegetables, and cell phone coverage must be clear in every room as I need to be able to get a hold of him at least 3 or 4 times a day. Would you be available to show it to me today?"

"sch-ch-choo"

I think it's funny when people are talking to other people on the phone, particularly strangers, and when one of the people is supposed to be doing something (like looking up a date or time) that is traditionally a silent one, that person sometimes feels the need to make a noise, usually sounding like this:

"sch-ch-choo"

This noise usually symbolizes two things:

"I am still on the phone"

"I am doing the discussed task"

I never make that noise, choosing instead to say something along the lines of

"If you don't mind, let me just look that up for you."

"I'm really in the mood for some overcooked spaghetti noodles with some marinara sauce. But none of that fresh stuff, I'd like it to be permeated with the taste of the can it came from. Oh, and since I equate quantity, rather than quality, with value, I won't be happy unless I get a portion that is twice the size of my head - I want to make sure I get my money's worth. In addition to this, since this is a high class restaurant: one without televisions showing the "game", could you please make sure that there are enough ads in the menu? My poor social skills, illiteracy and general lack of taste and manners prevent me from concentrating or having a conversation on anything that is not an advertisement. "

Of all the poor quality restaurants you could go to in Downtown PA, why on earth would you go to the Cheesecake Factory?

I'd like someone to answer that question beyond saying "They don't know any better."

There is no excuse for eating bad food!

I want to move to Bhutan

The economy in Bhutan is measured not in terms of GNP (Gross National Product), but rather, in terms of GNH (Gross National Happiness).

This would probably help me combat the almost inevitable effects of GPD (Geriatric Profanity Disorder).


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gross_national_happiness
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gross_National_Product#Gross_National_Product
http://www.duffgardens.net/media/images/wallpaper2.gif

Sleep

I wish that I could be this man and never have to sleep. I mean, don't get me wrong, sleeping is quite pleasurable, for a number of reasons.

But think how much stuff I could do if I didn't have to! And yes, I am quite familiar with the concept of polyphasic sleep having a brother who has attempted using the Uberman Sleep Schedule on several occasions(I call it the Loserman Sleep Schedule, because it meant he had to stop whatever we were doing every four hours to go down for his nap).

While it seems like a great idea - to have 30-40 hours extra per week, similar to raw food diets, it seems that no one is able to stick to it permanently.

Mullet Dream

Last night I dreamed I woke up and went to brush my teeth only to find that I had grown a mullet. I spent some time holding up the back and considering whether or not I should cut the long parts off, in order to have it appear more even. But I thought about how long it would take for my hair to grow back and opted to keep it, thinking that I'd like to have long hair again sooner, rather than later.