busy busy busy

Still alive...very busy...proper post soon. So it goes.

Wet Blankets

www.wetblankets.blogspot.com: things to say at parties that do the opposite of breaking the ice.

Coming soon. Depending on the Bizri-Laziness gene.

Weddings and fraudulent checks.

Fraudulent Check Man sent a fraudulent check. Ryan's on the horn with the FTC as I speak. The best part is it is so fake, it might as well have been written in crayon.
***
IN OTHER NEWS, we finally had the wedding. It was a little overwhelming to have all those people in one place. But fun, lots of fun. Pictures soon.

hair cutty.

I got my hair cut at a fancy pants place today. It looks about as good as had I done it myself, which is what I have been doing since I was a freshman in high school and too punk rock to go to a hair cutting place. When I became a senior, I decided at the urging of my certain people and to the horror of my trainer (hunter riders have a strict dress code and part of it is to have your long flowing hair pulled over your ears and tucked under your helmet), to cut it all off to about 1 inch in length. Now in retrospect, when I see photos of it, it didn't look bad. BUT. At the time, I hated, hated, hated it. I already had a tom boy complex and that hair cut made me feel even less feminine and at even more of a loss with regards to understanding that it was okay to be a girl and like girly things, no matter what I had been told by certain rather influential people. That was the last time I paid anyone to cut my hair.

In other news, all my aunts are here plus one cousin. Amazing! If it weren't such a giant pain in the bottom and if I weren't dreading the actual day more than I dread visits to the doctor (more than visits to the special lady doctor, even!), I would have a wedding every year!

Douchebags.

A while ago, I posted this entry. La Nina then directed me to hotchickswithdouchebags.com. Today, my friend Talia forwarded me a link to a story of star crossed love betweent Olga and Dimitri, set in the Marina district of San Francisco. I, in turn, sent her to hotchickswithdouchebags.com, as Dimitri is such a douchbag, I was hoping to find his picture on the site.

She found the following picture, on the site. This is The Batbag, winner of 2007's Douchiest Super Hero award.
This is Talia, on her wedding day. Isn't she radiant?

And here is Talia on her Bachelorette night:

Room for Rent in San Francisco

We need a room mate! Here’s the ad. Let your favourite homeless people know.

7/7/2008 by biz

Hello all,

Please pass this on to the homeless nearest and dearest to your heart.

Thank you kindly. And yes Stephen, I still live amazlingly, stupendously far from the mission. At least 10 minutes.

Jon

———————————

Bright, beautiful br w/ bath. Cheerful roomies.

About us:

- I am a San Francisco State graduate student in my mid thirties, studying research psychology. Former room mates have described me as easygoing, cheerful and pleasant.
- My girlfriend Kate is a designer, and creates product packaging for one of those fancy-pants design firms that San Francisco is famous for. You have seen her work at your local supermarket/grocery/corner store, or the hackneyed “been living under a rock/on a desert island/in a monastery” applies. (That is a bit of an exaggeration. I am sure I will get into a lot of trouble when she reads this.) She is also a nice person to be around.
- I am vegan and Kate is vegetarian. Neither of us faint at the sight of meat, nor have we lived with a vegetarian roommate. We enjoy to cook and do so often. Our lives are busy and cluttered, but we do our best to make sure that common areas are not. We smoke cannabis. We don’t smoke cigarettes. We have our friends over every so often for dinner.

We are looking for:

- An easy going, considerate roommate knows how to pick up after themselves, pay their share of the bills and plays well with others. We are open to well-behaved, well cared-for pets. There are hopes to add a dog to our household, though these are still in the early stages – we intend to figure out the ifs-and-whens when you are here to discuss them.

The apartment:

The room is about 14 x 13 with a 15 foot ceilings, and a full length built-in closet. The house itself is a bit over 1000 ft.², a top (third) floor corner unit with views of McClaren park. Amenities:

- Washing machine and dryer
- Dishwasher, microwave, gas stove, garbage disposal.
- Full bathroom of your own (We use the other one).
- Back deck (We should use it more often)
- Internet access, and a generous selection of digital media: several terabytes movies, tv shows, documentaries and music. And every xbox game ever created, though we never play those these days. We don’t have cable – bit torrents make it a tad redundant. There is a cable hook-up in your room, should you require it.
- Plenty of permit-free street parking (Hah! Let’s see the other ads you read today top that :>), and parking space for a motorcycle in the garage.

Location :

- Less than two miles from the Balboa Park BART station and the 280 freeway, and an equal distance in the opposite direction from the 3rd St Muni line, the Bayshore Caltrain station and the 101. The 9x bus stops right outside, and the 29 stops about five minutes walk away. Kate takes the bus and Muni to work. I take the bus to school. Stonestown and Serramonte Malls are a few minutes drive.
- Right next to McLaren Park, the second largest stretch of open space in the city after the golden gate, and just below San Bruno Mountain. McLaren Park has a leash free zone, multiple basketball courts, and plenty of open space for games and picnics. There’s also lovely long walks with views — this is not a park you will get bored walking your dog with. If you like the outdoors, San Bruno mountain is one of San Francisco’s best kept secrets. Fortunately, the fires last week did not do much damage.

We are taking pictures today. Let us know, we’ll send them to you.

It just keeps getting better!

My brother and his girlfriend are also being entertained by Craigslist, seeing as they are advertising for a roommate:

i'm looking to sublet a room from 15th-18th. i noticed yar place is walking distance to cow palace and its where i will be during that week. i am trying out for the american idol auditions and i really really need a place to stay very bad. i'll be coming from LA, 25yo, recent college grad in biology, hoping my luck at a shot of stardom in the music industry.

all i need is a place to sleep and shower. will not use laundry or kitchen.

let me know if you are cool with this idea. i am on a tight budget and i hope to be considered. how much do you think is a fair price for these dates?
Kate said that her favourite part was the "yar" in the second sentence and I have to agree. I told her to ask for credit in the liner notes as part of the rent.

Maybe I am old fashioned, but I find the trend towards bad grammar, poor spelling and lack of proper punctuation extremely distasteful. Emails are such a poor way of communicating properly in the first place, why eliminate 75% of the tools we have to make ourselves and our intentions understood? In addition to this, the very fact that you choose not to use these tools suggests that you are uneducated, lazy or both. Whether or not that is true, is that something you really should be projecting to total strangers from whom you are asking a favour??

ADDENDUM: Just found out his email address name is "Mystery Guy". NO JOKE.

Craigslist follies, cont.

I did write back to him. The email follows.

***
Please make out the cashier's check for the purchase price of the
motorcycle, $3500, plus your shipping costs to

David Ryan D---------
1--- B-----Street
P--------, CA 9----

Also, please send to me your name and physical address, so that I can
make sure shipping details are in order before I send the motorcycle
with your shipping people.

Thanks,
-Ryan
***

I've never seen a fraudulent check before. I'm hoping it arrives
before we leave.

-Ryan

Ryan's first name is not David, by the way. Also, completeley unrelated to Craigslist, but still worthy of a note in my "odd things that happen" file, I wrote this yesterday at the airport:

I'm totally just about to get on a plane with Chris Matthews. Not that I think traveling with celebrities is really that big of a deal or anything, I just think the way I recognized him was funny:

Hey. That guy looks familiar. Is he an actor? Some 80's actor? God he looks depressed. He looks grumpy. I think he's someone who shouts a lot.

Is there an 80's actor who shouted a lot? No. He's not an actor. I think he shouts at people. OH. It's that guy from one of those shows that my father leaves on the television, that one where he shouts at people....what's his name?? Oh yeah, Chris Matthews!

For those of you who don't have a father who likes to rant at televisions, Chris Matthews is one of those "hard-hitting" journalists who asks the "tough" questions. His program is called Hardball with Chris Matthews. I've never liked what little I've seen of him and I'd like to point out that the picture on his website is severely photoshopped. He doesn't have creamy skin and rosy cheeks. He looks more grizzled in real life as well as considerably more "melted". But he had a Hardball back pack, so it had to have been him (I guess even famous people use their company swag). To be fair though, I did see him in an airport and it is a little below the belt to judge people when you see them in an airport. They are probably looking their absolute worst and feeling like crap. I know I was. Then I got on the plane and sat next to a man who had such terribly wind, I couldn't sleep.

Ahh, airtravel. I can't wait to go again and pay a large sum of money to be treated like a hostage for 5 hours. No food, barely enough liquid to keep one hydrated, and trapped in small space and very limited opportunity to relieve oneself.

Funny things from Craigslist (again)

Ryan sold his motorbike using one of my favourite avenues for sampling the colourful soup that is the rest of the population, Craiglist. Here is a note he received from someone, in response to his ad.

Williams Smith:

Hi
am interested in buying the bike get back
to me with more info and how long you have owns it and also like to
know if you re the original owner.
Thanks


Ryan's response:

Sorry, the bike has been sold. I'll pull the ad this evening when I
get home from work.

-Ryan

Now the strange bit:

Ok
Got it i will like to purchase as it is, and like to make the
payment asap and the payment we be via cashiers check that
i will send to you so get to me with your name and address to write
the check out.And concerning the shipping i will handle
the shipping via my shipping company so all i need to do now is to
send you a check of excess fund so you can deduct your
money and send the excess to my shipping who is currently in bay area
for the pick at yourresidence after the check clears
to my house here in Florida so get back to me with the info to send
the check out.please contact me now for immediate
arrangement
Thanks
Am happy doing business with you.

After I read the above correspondence, I came up with a response, although I suspect Ryan will just ignore Mr. Williams Smith.


Dear Strange Person Who Clearly Does Not Read Very Well,

As I stated earlier, I have already SOLD THE BIKE. In addition to this, I refuse to do business with scam artists. Maybe you aren't a scam artist. If not, I strongly suggest you learn to write properly because your illiteracy strongly suggests to me that if you are not trying to "pull something" to use the parlance of our times, you would be incapable of completing even the smallest of transactions, let alone something that involved shipping a $3500 bike across the United States.

I am curious though: what the hell were you planning on doing?

-Ryan

Around the corner from our new house in Ithaca:

Hike!

Part of my goodbye to California weekend

Another hedge fund manager bites the dust. Well. Fakes biting it.

Chat from several months ago:

1:28 PM me: I've been following the Norman Hsu case. I think it's really funny.
I'm not sure why.

1:29 PM His pictures make him look like a basset hound.

He's also a moron.

I also think the phrase "Ponzi scheme" is funny. That might be part of it.

1:35 PM Ryan: I haven't heard of Norman Hsu.

I'll look it up

1:36 PM me: He's that democratic fund raiser from Hong Kong that was recently discovered to have a 15 year old outstanding warrant for his arrest in SM county.

Ryan: right

I recall now

me: He was summarily arrested and then brought to court, at which point he convinced them he was not a flight risk.

Then he took flight.

No one knew where he went.

1:37 PM Until he fell violently ill on a train in Colorado.

He will be extradited to California, where I imagine he will try and convince them that he is not a flight risk.

1:38 PM Ryan: which will probably not work again

1:39 PM and there are now charges against him in NY

me: He has since been found to be the mastermind of a Ponzi scheme, which was how he was getting the $850,000 he gave to Hillary Clinton's campaign in addition to the other money he has donated to the Democratic party.

Ryan: the NY fraud charges include investments totalling more than 40M$.

1:40 PM me: Yep. The reason he was caught in CO was because he fell "violently ill."

on the train.

1:41 PM I think that phrase itself is really, really funny.

Ryan: I imagine him throwing up in someone's lap

me: Violently!

Ryan: causing grievous bodily harm

I bring this chat to your attention because I found that story so funny. I mean, stuff like that doesn't even happen in movies. Why? Because even in the most farcical Schwarzeneggar/Van Damme/Segal movie the writers would find the whole story utterly implausible.

Maybe it isn't right to laugh at people who are obviously so sick in their heads with their megalomania that they actually believe they can get away with things like this. But here's another story that I find hilarious for the same, campy, ludicrously tragic (and tragically ludicrous) reasons.

A Paul Giamatti* doppelganger and former hedge fund manager, faked his own suicide by dramatically parking his car on a bridge, already popular amongst those wishing to kill themselves. He scrawled the words "Suicide is Painless" (I love it!) in the dust on his hood and then disappeared.

The best part? NOBODY BELIEVED HIM.

"“I’ll believe it when I see a body,” said Ross B. Intelisano, a lawyer at Rich & Intelisano, a law firm in New York. The firm is representing 20 investors who lost about $25 million in the collapse of Bayou, which was based in Stamford, Conn. “All of the clients I spoke to, their initial reaction was that it’s a ruse. It’s just another fraudulent act.”" -NYT

Apparently his mother talked him into turning himself in today. A big Edna Krapappel "HA!" for that one.

PS. I'd like to add that I drank Pinot Noir before Sideways came out AND I never saw it. I do love Paul Giamatti though, mainly for his portrayal of Harvey Pekar in American Splendor.

30 days

Well kids, Nothing witty or charming today, just a window into my sleepless little mind:

I have exactly one month to complete the following tasks:

* Have a wedding

* Have a going away party

* Fly to Ithaca to find a place to live

* Pack up all the things in our house to be taken away by the movers or to be taken in our little truck.

* Hang out with all my relatives that never ever come to the US

* Pack up all the things in our house to be taken away in our little truck

This list seems a little daunting, especially the first thing. Once that is taken care of and planned I think the other things will be easy.

Northern California is Burning Down

I have had a sore throat for 5 days because of this. I realise that California needs to burn because that's just how it works over here but I'm really uncomfortable and sleepy. Can't we just keep all the fires in Southern California? I don't like it as much as the Northern one.

Time Zones

This morning I was woken up at 5:30 in the am by someone incapable of subtracting 3 from 8:30. My instinct at when the phone rings at 5:30 am is to assume that someone has died, which makes the chemicals in my brain go cuckoo-bananas! and I am rendered unable to go back to sleep, even after discerning that it was Don from Prestigious Traditional Homes or something or other, trying to rent a house in Lansing to me. Thank you very much, Don from Prestigious Traditional Homes or whatever it is your rental company is called, I do not want to live in Lansing, I want to live in Ithaca, in a nice house downtown with a yard for my dog, like the one you had advertised.

I'm so resentful at having been woken up two times by this same person (he called Saturday morning at 8:45 am - a more respectable hour but still impolite) that I can't bring myself to return his phone call. There are some other factors as well - feeling a little baited by his ad and also the knowledge that he's going to try and convince me to do everything via fax and email, instead of arranging for me to see it in person, when I make my trip out to secure our lodgings.

Attica! Attica!

Kids, I am moving to Ithaca, not Attica, as the poor moving man mistakenly asked me today. He came to give me an estimate on how much it will cost to take our whopping 800lbs worth of stuff across the country and said

"You're moving from here tooooo....let's see...Attica, New York?"

This is what I thought about when he asked me that question:

Valances don't make houses ugly, people do.

Ryan says I'm being unkind and narrow minded for complaining about awful "window treatments" in all the houses we're looking to buy in Ithaca.

"They were from a different era, Alice."

"Yeah? My parents don't have awful window treatments."

"Your parents windows couldn't have those kind of curtains on their windows."

"But if they could, they wouldn't."

Then I remembered the awful artwork that decorated my parents house when we moved into it, all those years ago. It took months, perhaps years, for the awful 80's prints to get removed from the wall space which they occupied, banished into the garage and finally into a garage sale and out of the house forever.

"But I would never do that. I'd take that stuff down the day we moved in."

He muttered something in Latin about not faulting people with regards to their personal taste. I retorted with something in English about pots calling kettles black.

I wanted to say something about not faulting the people but instead faulting the treatments and then I realised that no, I really was holding it against them for having such ugly floral curtains.

Valances don't make houses ugly, people do.

Catharsis

I have written a letter-never-to-send because there were things I needed to vocalize and get off my chest, but I really felt that no one else should have to hear them nor do I think they would actually help the situation in any way, I hoped it would be cathartic. We'll see.

Maybe not as cathartic as the following though (warning, quite, quite NSFW and in case you're curious, the Wikipedia article on Norman Fowler):

A Final Indulgence

I finally feel normal. After 2.5 days of feeling really sick*, this morning, or perhaps late last night, I finally began to feel more human.

*sick as defined by, excruciating headache, sore throat, stuffed up nose and a general propensity to burst into tears for no legitimate reason.

It started when I got home from my incredible weekend. Here is a picture from my incredible weekend:

Margo, Me, Nikki, Larke

My wonderful friends, whom I suspect perhaps know me better than I know myself sometimes, surprised be with a trip to Cyrus in Healdsburg for an 8 course tasting menu. The meal was so amazing that we were still talking about it the next day. I'm still thinking about it and that was Saturday night! The wine! The sugared mint leaf that topped the first dessert course! The cucumber consommé! That, along with the bathing ritual in the Fairmont Sonoma mineral baths plus a barefoot Shiatsu massage! Heaven!

Then I got home, took a nap and woke up sick with Ryan's Cold From The Airplane. And for whatever reason, I was inexplicably emotional. Normally when I'm sick, I'm just sick. I get on with my life. But for whatever reason, my brain chemicals were affected this time as well and I felt so sad for two whole days!

As of this morning, I am snuffly but much cheerier. I've even finished editing a press release and writing an opening pitch. So. Here's to getting things done!

QI

I'm terrible at multitasking. Admittedly so. My last boss complimented me on my admittance of this to him: I admitted it in an effort to get him to actually give me things instructions, instead of smiling at me and telling me to be a "leader" not a "follower" (and then saying "We want you to be a Superstar").

HOWEVER. When I am cleaning the house, I invariably end up listening to either NPR or This American Life.

Since my last night in London though, when I had the fortune to have a free "newspaper" thrust at me several times outside the Russell Square tube station, and while I turned the man down, because I generally turn everything down that is shoved into my face, later one that day, I picked up someone's abandoned copy on the train and it had a television schedule in it. An episode of Stephen Fry's panel show QI was scheduled and I watched it. In my little bed-and-breakfast with an airlock for a bathroom (this place seriously had an airplane toilet shoved into on corner of the room, sealed off like a walk in refrigerator). And I enjoyed it and have been enjoying it this week, instead of TAL and NPR.