Sunday, July 31, 2011

Accurate Scales Save Lives!

When it comes to certain things, I am a bit of a luddite. Here is a list of things which I prefer in mechanical or analog format

-Clocks and watches

Speaking of scales: I am researching purchasing one for the bathroom. I want one that has a dial instead of a digital read for two reasons: aesthetics and lack of batteries. I also want it to be cheap because I am cheap.

I found this one that fit the bill: The Health O Meter Dial Scale, for $13.99.

Of course, it being Amazon, I read the reviews. The first one I read started off oddly: 

As a career food champion, I need to constantly weigh myself and eat accordingly during the competition season. 

What is a food champion? I do not know. But I read on, in search of context.

I usually wake up and eat 20 hard boiled eggs and 40 pickles before 9am. 

I don't have much to say about this. It just sounds really unpleasant. Forty pickles? Forty?

I purchased this scale to take with my to the tournaments. 

Ah. EATING CONTESTS. Filed away in that pile of things I will never fully understand. I feel awful after overeating. I can't imagine anyone feels good. Those people who plan and get all excited to stuff themselves on Thanksgiving? Masochists. There is no pleasure for me in being stuffed full. Even if there is a competitive element. I am just crampy and constipated and uncomfortably sleepy.

I always make sure I weigh 250 pounds going into every season and 300 when I get out per my doctor's orders. 

Who is this guy's doctor? Dr. Nick??

Unfortunately, this scale does not tell you if you are at 300 or above 300. The meter just stops. For about 4 weeks I thought I was at my normal weight.

Then it gets really bizarre:

When I returned home I weighed 328 pounds. Two weeks ago I had cardiac arrest due to eating 495 clams and 300 shrimp in eight minutes. 

I think this is not the scale's fault.

I'm not saying this scale is not good for what it can do, but keep this in mind if you are overweight or a food champion like myself. This could cause very serious repercussions.

There are two grammar problems with this section. 1. It should be one sentence and 2. "or" is the incorrect word to use here.

Additionally, I would like to point out that having an inaccurate scale is not the thing that might cause serious repercussions. 

 Next year I will not be bringing this scale with me, and I will break my record and eat 500 clams.

Best of luck.

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