Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Dusting, adipose and depression-induced invisibility.

So, I'm blowing the dust that has gathered on this blog, I guess. I think I sometimes give up on blogging regularly because I'm not sure why I do it. I don't want to pontificate on the internet but sometimes I do. I don't want a lot of people to read what I write but sometimes I do. I want to remain anonymous, but I also want my friends to read it and really enjoy discussing some of the things that come up in this blog with them. Anyway.

Also I've been...busy.

I logged in today and found 9 comments waiting for moderation. All spam, of course. One of the

Adipex diet pill is made up of pure Adipex, which affects our central nervous system by activating neurotransmitters that start flowing quickly all through the brain. This allows the signals to flow quickly through the brain, motivating the body over time so that you continually have ample of energy, a super boost at losing weight and fat, all at once. Basically, each Adipex dosage will trigger the neurotransmitters so that they can make their rounds again for up to 12 hours or so. on

which is basically a Doctor Who concept come to life. On Doctor Who, it's called Adipose that ends up being an alien race using our adipose tissue to generate the young of the species.

Here's a thing about me:

When I get depressed, truly depressed, I start feeling like I'm invisible. There's more to it, but for now, the invisible part is what is important. I'm not truly delusional: I don't think I'm invisible, I just feel like I am. And that's not to say I feel ignored or left out or marginalised; it has nothing to do with anyone else's behaviour or treatment of me. I just feel invisible and there's not another word for it.

Last year, we went to the Ithaca Festival with our friend Mark as we usually do. Something put me in a strange mood, I was hugely pregnant and I started to feel invisible. We ran into an colleague of Ryan and Mark's and his wife. Both of whom I've met several times. His wife introduced Mark and Ryan to her parents and not me, then proceeded to talk to Mark and Ryan, as did her husband as if I wasn't there. Even after Ryan interrupted her to introduce me to her parents.

At the time this seemed really weird because there I was feeling invisible and there Rebecca was, apparently not having seen me!

Depression definitely has a delusional aspect to it. I've heard about maybe one or two studies that show that depressed people actually have a more accurate view of the world, but I'm sure, at least in my case, that delusion is involved. And when you've worked trying to not be depressed as long as I have, you can sometimes even know when you are having a depressive delusion. So the feelings of invisibility, although they are there, I do know that I am, in fact, visible. I wish there was a better word for it. I'm sure the Germans have one.

Anyway. As alarming as the situation was at the time, I actually think it's pretty funny now and I had a good hearty laugh about it with Ken a few days later.