Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The Countdown and my feet are itchy.

August 31 is my birthday and also means we have been in Ithaca for 5 years and a week or so. Ryan is going to be done in the spring (assuming his prediction is accurate) and it's left me with a feeling of anxious unrootedness.

Sometimes I wake up and think: Barnaby, Elinor and I should just move to the Bay Area (where Ryan is most likely going to get a job). I could get a part-time job*, my parents could watch Elinor or we could send her to daycare and Ryan could finish faster because he wouldn't have us as distractions. Most importantly, I can get started on the next phase of my life. Right now and for the last little while, I have felt like I am in limbo. Waiting, waiting, waiting. My feet are itchy metaphorically speaking. 

But, I don't even know what the next phase should be. I think I'm anxious to start it so that I'll know what it is. I want to turn to the last page to make sure that the main character (me) makes it through all right (ends up happy). 

Other days, I wake up and think: How tremendously sad. We are finishing our last summer in Ithaca and we didn't take advantage of everything it had to offer. We're a part of the community, we have a nice comfortable place, lots of friends, lots to do and most of the things we like are available to us. Would it be so bad if Ryan didn't finish in the spring? My feet are itchy, literally speaking, from the mosquito bites I got sharing beers with my new friend Genevieve, in her back yard, sitting on her picnic table nest to a patch of rainbow chard, summer squash and tomatoes, and watching her sheep and chickens romp around and discussing canning peaches and horses. 

Sometimes I think about the huge going-away party we'll throw when we leave and sometimes I think about the huge we're back party we'll throw when we arrive in California. 

*A part-time job doing what, I do not know. My friend Nik told me that her boss would probably hire me, but do I want to go and work for a trainer? Part of me says Yes! horses all the time! and part of me says, No! Working for yourself horse-wise and working for a trainer sucks. Get a non-horse job to pay for the horses. Any advice in either direction would be welcome.