Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
"Noted avant-garde film auteur, philanthropist and fashion designer, Alice"Bojangles" B----, said candidly in an interview with Fast Company that doughnuts are played out, too sugary and mostly, too round.
"What's with the shape? A circle with a hole in it? Come on - so predictable. Sheesh. I mean I get the whole campy - white trash thing, but can't the same effect be achieved with Rice Krispy Squares and Tang?"
She further criticizes doughnuts by calling them the "Hitler" of snack food and claiming responsible for keeping the working man down."
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Yesterday there was a guy with some form of arsenic poisoning and today it's tracheotomy man. The only reason these guys are allowed anywhere near the lens side of the camera is because they are very very very very very very very very extraordinarily very very rich and everyone wants to know how they became very very very very very very very very extraordinarily very very rich.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
"Oh you're English? I just love British Comedy. Have you seen The Life Of Brian?"
"Yes, just not the ending though. For some reason, despite the fact that I've seen it a few hundred times, mostly on Comedy Central and in fragments, I've just never managed to catch the ending."
You see, I think Eric Idle's songs are awful. I think that they are trite and pandering and so unlike the rest of the comedy associated with Monty Python. They're instantly the first thing Americans like about the program because it's really obvious, dumb humour (no offense). HOWEVER last night, while feeling frustrated and sorry for myself for a number of reasons*, I found the following and have posted it for mutual enjoyment.
So I am, indeed a hypocrite. I don't know why I think it's so much funnier than "Always Look On The Bright Side," it's certainly just as inane.
Monday, February 25, 2008
+My mother 64 year old mother has decided to buy a six year old Arab. Arab horses are well known to be ridiculously smart, flighty and insane. I disapprove. I am wary. She consistently disregards my advice and prefers to listen to some woman she knows named Tracy. This is because Tracy does endurance and not hunter/jumpers and as such, the things coming out of Tracy's mouth are things my mother has not heard before, and therefore "correct." I'm worried my mother thinks she's buying one of these:
When, in fact, it might be one of these:
+ Speaking of horse, I have been looking in Ithaca for places to ride. I have sent 2 emails and not heard anything. I am worried that I am asking too much of the places I am emailing. All the places I have found in the area look like weekend rider* barns. I do not wish to be a weekend rider. I am anxious because I am already terrified about what I will be when I go there. I don't have a job, I don't have any nearby friends, it doesn't seem to have much of a nightlife. I'm having trouble sleeping because of the raised eyebrows from people who know me and who know Ithaca.
"What are you going to do there?"
+The place I found that I thought would be great for the wedding is great. It's just half the size it needs to be. Not to mention some guy I went to high school with works there. So that source of frustration is back on the plate.
*weekend rider: the horsie equivalent of a crazy cat lady. Usually a Monty Roberts (a "horse whisperer") fan, they wear sweat shirts that say awful things like "Use the Force" and "A Woman's Place is On A Horse!" They usually have not bothered to educate themselves about proper horse care, preferring to get most of their information from such films as Black Beauty and Flicka and other films that feature horses as "magical saviours for all of life's problems" when really they are just like any other very expensive thing and not at all like really big Labrador Retrievers.
Friday, February 22, 2008
a little more than a assistant.
ATTENTION LADIES LOOKING FOR A FUN and informal part-time situation/job.
I am a Business owner, executive, looking for a hot personal assistant who can serve as my personal assistant and hot playmate. Please send your information, qualifications, picture and contact info ASAP.
Must be sexy and stunning! Great personality and playfulness required! I will only respond to candidates that provide a picture.
I am respectful, professional, mid 30's. Contact me today to explore this opportunity. Understand what I am looking for, an attractive female, honest, has some brains and business experience (can add up checks, make bank deposits, etc), and willing to be a 'playmate' of sorts.
If this is something you are interested in, please drop me a line today. I am a normal guy, not crazy, not weird, just trying to fill a gap in my life.
"Finding a place to live is virtually impossible if you aren't loaded to the gills with money! Rent is out of this world and buying a home is out of this universe."
This alarmed me. I already live in a place where housing costs are out of this universe.
Then I read this:
"However if you have a good 1000 to blow per month on rent and dont mind that then its the town for you."
And breathed a sigh of relief, tinged, slightly, with snobbery. $1000 a month? That wouldn't get you a refrigerator box with a hot plate in this town. Maybe in Mountain View. Not here though.
"The county is very poverty loaded. Jobs are few and far between unless your a teacher or medical professional."
Once again, a little anxiety. What the hell am I going to do there?
"It is well known to be a haven for the Hippy type however they must be yuppie hippies since a real hippy couldnt afford to live here."
"Its also a well know haven for upstate gay people they have domestic partnerships."
Indifference. It makes no difference to me how many gay neighbours I have, as long as there are plenty of gay bars.
"They dont list the crime rate for the city here but it seems to me to be a high one compared to nearby towns."
I wonder what he means by this. As far as I can tell, there aren't any nearby towns worth mentioning.
In other, much more important news, Tony Blair wants to run for President of Europe. Fortunately, people are already rallying against him. Can you imagine a world with Hillary Clinton as President of the US and Tony Blair as President of Europe? It seems my dreams of moving to Bhutan might need to be examined more closely.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
I don't want to watch any American Idol. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. Yesterday it was Life of Brian which was mildly tolerable but still irritating. I find it funny that I'm supposed to demonstrate "lemming*" mentality and how pervasive it is by using a film that everyone has seen, too many times. "Oh you're English? I just love British Comedy! Have you seen the Life of Brian?!"
-6 more days of waking up early. 6 more days.
*by "lemming" mentality, I am of course referring to the early 90's video game because in actuality, the small rodents do not follow each other around, committing mass suicide. This was a myth that was made famous by a Disney documentary, where they chased lemmings over cliffs in order to make their "facts" "true".
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Garlic, Chick pea and Spinach Soup
Field Roast Grain Meat Co. Celebration Roast with onions and mushrooms
Tomatoes with tahini-yoghurt dressing
For the soup (From Vegetarian Flip Book for Cooks, edited by Martha Day, published by Hermes House, 2001):
30 ml/2 tbsp olive oil
4 garlic cloves (more if desired...)
1 onion, roughly chopped
10 ml/2 tsp ground cumin
10ml/2tsp ground coriander
5 cups vegetable stock (I used Better Than Bouillion)
12 oz potatoes, peeled and finely chopped
1 tbsp cornstarch
2/3 cup of double cream (I couldn't find it so I used heavy whipping cream and Ryan & I took turns beating it until it was reasonably thick)
15 oz. can chick peas
2 tbsp tahini (I actually used more, I can't get enough of this stuff)
7 oz. shredded spinach
salt & fresh ground pepper.
I started by chopping everything and getting it all ready. Then the onions and garlic went into the soup pot with the olive oil. I got them nicely browned - the onions should be translucent and it should start to smell yummy. Next, I added the cumin and coriander. The instructions said to cook for 1 minute - I almost burned everything here, because I don't think I used enough olive oil to brown the onions and also get the spices in. No matter though, the brown stuff at the bottom is just flavour!
Next, I added 5 cups of water plus the Better Than Bouillon and the potatoes and let that boil for 10 minutes. This was followed by the chick peas. While that cooked, I mixed the tahini, cream, salt, pepper, cayenne and cornstarch. This involved whipping the cream a little bit. When the chick peas and potatoes were tender, I added this mixture plus the spinach.
This cooked for a bit, until it was ready to be eaten.
In retrospect, I would have added more cayenne and possibly would try the recipe sans cream if I made it again. Don't get me wrong - the cream was delicious and added nicely to the rest of the soup, I just prefer to not eat lots of cream, for several reasons.
Ryan was responsible for the roast, he cooked it in a bread pan with mushrooms and onions he cooked in a red wine reduction. All of these were basted in more Better Than Bouillon.
For something fresh, I sliced up some tomatoes and mixed tahini with yoghurt, minced garlic, salt and fresh ground pepper. It tasted delicious and was really creamy (something about mixing the yoghurt with the tahini produced a lovely texture) but next time I might try to make it less cream and more dressingy (read: pourable rather than spreadable).
Wine pairing: This meal would have gone quite nicely with a nice red wine, maybe a cab, however we had ginger beer instead.
Here is the NY Times version of the story, published yesterday (I heard about it on the radio on Sunday) but buried in the Business section. As far as I know it did not appear on the front page, I had to find it by using the search function.
I'd also like to direct my dear readers who simply must eat meat (must you?) to this website:
It is a much more humane way to get your meat and, I'm told, much tastier. Carrie is a very nice person and has done a lot of research putting the project together.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
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Received after trying to post a comment regarding an animated gif of a dachshund wearing a construction helmet and floating up and down by power of flapping it's ears. I posted this because I think it's funny that my work IP address is listed as "blacklisted" and "involved in malicious or illegal activity" by my brother's blog.
Malicious or illegal activity like increasing rich people's power and wealth and doing so by riding on the backs of the People and absolving oneself of responsibility by claiming hard honest work, despite the fact that hard honest work didn't really get you the money in the first place, you inherited it from people who themselves obtained it by using/abusing the working man?
This was an amazing excitement and I went to sleep thinking about what color I would paint the walls and what sorts of bulbs I would plant in the garden and how much money could go towards horse shows if we were spending less on a mortgage than we would on rent.
I do have some reservations about living there. I'm concerned about the long dark winters, particularly the first one where I might not have many (any?) friends. Something I have learned about myself is that despite the fact that I really need time away from people, I am desperately unhappy if I do not have a social outlet. It's part of what I hate about this job - I constantly felt isolated, marginalized and ignored, sitting in my little corner while the same people walked passed my desk every day and barely nodded in my direction. In addition to this, I was never given an opportunity to prove myself because every independent move or decision I made was met with disappointed discouragement. I constantly felt Jennifer Aniston in this memorable and frequently quoted scene from Office Space:
Particularly when I was told that I needed to be a "Superstar [sic]" but then not being given a definition of what that was. Nina's suggestion was something along the lines of this:
But with more glitter strewn.
But I digress. Things I am excited about with regards to the move:
*Living near a lake
*Living near the Moosewood Restaurant
*Buying new winter clothes on sale this spring
*Maybe getting a 2nd Jeeves. Although Ryan said -not another cattle dog- I think that we need one that will most certainly play with him until he gets tired. So something lazier but not too lazy.
*Only having one car.
*Lots of hiking and outdoorsyness
*Not knowing anyone
*Lower cost of living ($800 rent instead of $1800)
*Being sort of close to NYC, Boston & Toronto.
View Larger Map
Things that fill me with apprehension:
*Being cold a lot
*Not knowing anyone
*Not having a job or any idea what sort of job I can get
Friday, February 15, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Here's the thing.
I find zoo's generally upsetting places. I realize that a lot of them are working towards animal conservation and a lot of them are make grand efforts to make the enclosures habitable and as close to the natural habitat as possible, however places like the San Francisco Zoo or worse, the Santa Barbara Zoo leave it quite obvious that the animals are completely bored and have had their lives stolen from them so that people can stare at them all day long. They resort to eating their own shit and pulling their hair out.
Erica Martin is missing a large chunk of information here. Sexually mature 12 year old humans are totally capable of mating and breeding, just as sexually mature 9 year old elephants apparently are. She might find the idea abhorrent but that doesn't make it physically harmful. I think the world is a better place for one more elephant being brought into it and she shouldn't be anthropomorphizing - Thong Dee gets enough of that being stared at all day long.
The reason why it's such a tragedy for a 12 year old human to have a child is that our society is not equipped for these things and modern 12 year olds are not emotionally equipped. Our bodies certainly are - I've talked to ob/gyns that find it a crying shame how easy it is to deliver babies to teenage mums, we're supposed to start giving birth at a young age, no matter how horrifying that thought may be.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I am going to work part time for a publicist which is going to be interesting work. I'm excited to do it because I really like Paula and she shares the same attitude as me with regards to being totally invested in the projects we are involved with.
A lot of people have told me that this is a bad way to work. I end up not making enough money or working too much or not enough, if I don't like the project (honestly how invested can you be in an expense report other than discerning sordid details about someone, such as they eat at the same nasty airport restaurant every time they fly, including after the return flight home, which can only suggest that they enjoy eating airport food). Unfortunately, this is the only way I know how to work - to do fantastic work when I love the project and not finish things I hate, with mildly tolerable jobs finishing somewhere in the middle.
I am attempting to improve this aspect of myself and frustratingly put this mindset into practice the first day I started this job. I say frustratingly because it my tenacity, well-meaning and positive attitude didn't mean anything with regards to nebulous job descriptions and an absent minded boss.
Karen inspired me greatly once with a post - it note stuck on her computer that read:
I give myself permission to do a mediocre job.
I have applied to be an instructor in Walnut Creek. I have really good credentials for this and hope that they hire me. I think that any drawback that I may present is that I live so far away. I will actually be quite upset if I don't get at least an interview - I am quite aptly qualified. This is one of those jobs I would love and consequently do a fantastic job. It appears to have none of the drawbacks of my previous instructor position and all of the positives.
I constantly wrestle with the fact that I am no longer involved in the horse world. I used to complain about people trying to identify with me when I told them what I did for a living and now I find that people have nothing to identify with me.
I wonder if looking for another job with horses is some kind of manifestation of my personal insecurities. I feel like I really miss riding and I know that's a huge part of it, but am I also terrified of spending the rest of my life explaining to people at cocktail parties that I used to be interesting and now I'm not?
Which brings me to my almost former job. At first I threw myself into it and loved it. Then I became complacent and bored, when I started getting piled on with menial tasks. Then I got to loathing and resenting it - my banking on the goodwill of completing these tasks did not result in any sort of increases in responsibility, attention or position improvement, indeed it just resulted in even more menial tasks. With this frustration, I stopped running (well, I was also injured and the injury has taken a stupidly long time to heal), stopped hiking, stopped seeing friends as much and became seriously frustrated and at least for a few weeks, I'm sure, rather unpleasant to be around. My personal self improvement goals, such as being more organized and keeping a neater house have gone by the way side.
I have been released however. I will receive 3 months severance and in 5 months, we will starting on our big drive across the country as newlyweds. In the mean time, I will finagle horses into my life again, take classes, work for Paula and clean my fucking house.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
That has all changed though.
1. He is, surprisingly, a terrible swimmer.
2. He stole grapes off the counter last night.
Ryan, in a fit of discipline, sent him outside and yelled:
"Don't eat our food! Nasty Little Grape Eater!!"
Some New Shit has come to light though and there's a 99% chance that we'll be moving to Ithaca in August. The 1% chance of not moving there is if we discover a pork fat rendering plant or something equally offensive that they don't talk about on all the tourism sites. Cornell was Ryan's first choice and he didn't get into his second (Stanford).
Since this New Shit has come to light, I've thought about alternatives to just heading into another full time job. Mainly, just getting a part time job and supplementing that with activities such as planning a wedding, planning a cross country move, volunteering somewhere, and finally, getting a start on those design classes I keep talking about.
I went to the Foothill website to look at what they have to offer for the spring quarter. Rather than restrict myself to just design classes, I opted to look at the whole spring quarter schedule.
Here are is a sampling of classes I can take.
|ALCB 201||BEGINNING LIP READING||.5 Unit|
|ALCB 413X||RELAXATION TECHNIQUES||0 Units|
|T C 54||SELLING CRUISES||4 Units|
I can't wait.
I think that there must be a way to combine all the skills I learn in those classes to make something lucrative.
In all seriousness, I'm a little disappointed that the courses I actually want to take are offered online. Granted this is cheaper in terms of gasoline, time, etc. but I really do best when I am forced into human interaction. It could be a competitive streak in me, but I do much better when I have other people potentially judging me.
These courses that are all offered online only are either courses in the graphic design department or in the annoyingly labeled: Computers On The Internet department, clearly named by someone who's progressive forward thinking interests has afforded them the discovery that computers are "on the internet" now. Whatever that means. You know, you can send and receive messages to people on this internet thing? They're calling it "electronic mail." Isn't that a hoot? It's also got a wealth of information these days. Wacky!
According to the NHS Direct website, "sexercise" can lower the risk of heart attacks and helps people live longer.
Endorphins released during orgasm stimulate immune system cells, which also helps target illnesses like cancer, as well as wrinkles, it states.
Sexual health experts said such claims could not be scientifically proven.
"It's good to see the NHS are promoting sexual wellbeing," Dr Melissa Sayer told the Guardian newspaper.
"Yes, there is evidence that sex has benefits for mental wellbeing, but to say there is a link with reduced risk of heart disease and cancer is taking the argument too far."
NHS Direct, however, told the paper the content was "backed by science and clinical evidence" and "isn't just a bit of fun".
The advice, published under the headline "Get more than zeds in bed", is one of several sexual health-related articles to be found on the NHS Direct website.
Sex with a little energy and imagination provides a workout worthy of an athlete, the article says.
| || If you're worried about wrinkles - orgasms even help prevent frown lines from deepening |
"Forget about jogging round the block or struggling with sit-ups.
"Sex uses every muscle group, gets the heart and lungs working hard, and burns about 300 calories an hour."
The advice suggests "regular romps this winter" could lead to a better body and a younger look.
Increased production of endorphins "will make your hair shine and your skin smooth," it adds.
"If you're worried about wrinkles - orgasms even help prevent frown lines from deepening."
The article goes on to say that orgasms release "painkillers" into the bloodstream, which helping keep mild illnesses like colds and aches and pains at bay.
The production of extra oestrogen and testosterone hormones "will keep your bones and muscles healthy, leaving you feeling fabulous inside and out".
Published: 2006/02/11 04:16:27 GMT
© BBC MMVIII
Monday, February 11, 2008
Autumn in Downtown
The best time of year to visit
If you’d rather venture to town for breakfast, downtown is walking distance. A casual yet sophisticated breakfast, the Pierre LaFond Bistro is located on
Pierre LaFond is situated right on
To your left is a walk to the Pacific Ocean,
A few blocks up is the Santa Barbara Museum of Art which, although small, usually has a tasteful collection of work. The Santa Barbara Botanical gardens are 10 minutes away, located in
For dinner, Bouchon is the place to go for seasonal, fresh ingredients as well as a regional wine menu that has earned Wine Spectator magazine’s Award of Excellence. Chef Josh Brown draws influence from Thomas Keller (French Laundry), Daniel Boulud (Restaurant Daniel) and Alice Waters (Chez Panisse).
I mean, on par with the likes of Roger Waters, Robert Smith and Sting in regards to influence (I use those examples because he himself mentions them in this comically egotistical interview) .
As far as I can tell, he's made a career of writing 3 chord songs and having a stupid haircut. Not that all 3 chord songs are terrible, but his certainly are. It's like he thinks that because he can sell out a stadium just as easily as they can, his music is as influential, meaningful, innovative and lasting as Dark Side of the Moon or Regatta de Blanc, when really it bears about as much influence on music as the Monkees. I hardly think that in 10 years there are going to be emerging bands listing Blink-182 or Tom Delonge as any sort of influence other than trying to avoid selling out as they have done.
Friday, February 8, 2008
For several reasons, I have chosen not to illustrate the extent of the injury by way of digital photograph. One, I fear it would be too graphic for those with a weak constitution. Two, the digital camera on my phone is terrible and might not accurately portray the extent of the injury - I am loathe to mislead my readers and my journalistic integrity is paramount. Three, It's more fun if you have to imagine it.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
If it is not clear what the injury is (because I used a camera phone to take it), perhaps the following better illustrates it's location:
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
The commercial features a split screen, on one side a close up of one of the (many) available bears (starting at only $49!) and the other side one of several girls with JC Penney Catalog good looks dances around with either said teddy bear or said teddy bear plus the male who presumably gave it to her. Often, the bear and the girl are wearing matching outfits. At one point the camera closes in on a guy's (heart shaped) tattoo. For some reason.
I saw earlier today. There's a category on the first page called: "Show Her You Know Her." I'd like to point out that just the fact that you are giving her a present should tip her off that you have, in fact, met her. And giving her one that's dressed in an outfit that matches her job (a nurse gets a nurse bear, a homemaker gets homemaker bear, the Mexican maid gets Mexican maid bear) doesn't necessarily mean you know her other beyond reading her MySpace profile. I was going to make a joke about "business casual bear" but I can't because they actually have a business casual bear. I also feel that I should stop here because making fun of this website is just too damn easy. (Okay, one more: Huggable Hunk Bear - Someone has decided to sexualize a bear by putting him in boxer briefs. You can also choose to have a personalized, hear shaped tattoo on this particular bear. What a nod to Christian weirdos and their pervasive, persistent sexual confusion and misinformation).
I fantasize about the type of women excited by these gifts. She's probably a little overweight. She might have really long hair, the length of which is a point of pride for her. She definitely collects things. She may or may not have a tattoo on the small of her back or possibly her calf - if she does, it's of some Disney character and it was done poorly. She wears scrubs every day (possibly for no good reason other than "They're comfortable!" except for when she goes out to dinner (her favorite restaurant is The Olive Garden) which time she puts on a pair of jeans, a hoodie, ridiculous, ugly chunky black patent platform sandals and too much makeup. She loves animals but has little to no contact with them regularly, unless she is, of course, a vet tech. Her bedroom is pink and frilly, despite the fact that she's 29, because she's desperately trying to stay 12 but still wants to appear sexy and attractive.
I find these sorts of things depressing. I fail to understand what kind of meaning someone can derive from being given a dressed up bear beyond the fact that he was willing to spend fifty bucks. I am pained by the fact that so many women would find the gift of one of these objects thoughtful and sweet. Finally, man hating feminist I am not, I find the idea of being given a toy, meant for children, a little demeaning.
Ryan mentioned as we walked from the car buying me a teddy bear for Valentine's Day and I burst out laughing.
"You would never, ever buy me a teddy bear."
"You're right. You got me."
There was some talk of exactly why he would never buy me a teddy bear, something along the lines of what's the point, it just sits around, I'm a grown woman, etc.
I got to work this morning and have had occasion to glance at the television screen that is just above my computer monitors, partially obstructed by a pillar.
Right now, a cross eyed black man is arguing with a bearded man in a tan suit with a pink tie. The pink tie standing in front of a green screen, displaying a picture of what looks like Big Ben. It's on mute, so I'm just watching their faces while they shout.
There was a commercial earlier for Teddy Bears that you can buy online. Yesterday, it was really ugly pajamas - cotton knit shapeless pink tank tops with baggy flannel trousers or red velor twin sets. One set I noticed were pink and featuring candy hearts with cutesy phrases written on them.
In the commercial, the women comes down some stairs with an alluring look on her face while an anxious and apparently aroused male watches. She seems quite pleased and unabashed to dance around for him despite the unflattering nature of her garments.
It's such a dischord: cheesy shots of champagne and roses on a bed and then an embarrassingly-over-30 woman walks in wearing pajamas that 13 year old might find babyish and embarrassing to bring on a sleep over.
You can purchase these pajamas at the following website:
The website has a particularly poor design: when I first visited it I perceived the text on one side to read
"Spoil Her Valentines Day"
When really it reads:
"Spoil Her This Valentines Day"
Perhaps it was some sort of subconscious reading because anyone who gave me anything as hideous as those pajamas would certainly spoil my day, Valentine's or not.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
This is good for those of us liberals who have voted against Hilary: I can't think of a worse person to endorse something.
It it my patriotic duty to help prevent the country from being run by
I also determined to cast my vote as a consumer: I shall never again
buy a sandwich from the Safeway Deli, until such time as sweeping deli
reform is undertaken.
Also, lest your liberal friends start looking to John McCain for the answers: go to his website and look at his position on just about everything. It's a lot worse than you hoped.
What I want to know is, with the rise in prevalence of coffee aficionados, pseudo coffee aficionados and morons who "just have to have their Starbucks," why the hell can't any of the "baristas" (an annoying moniker if ever there was one) ever make a decent cup of tea? Certainly they are not the same thing, but if they have to be trained to use the fancy contraptions to make grande mocha lattés, they can learn to brew a decent cup of tea.
Tea should be lovingly, gently steeped in hot water, not scalding. A lot of people leave their tea bags in the tea while drinking it - I'm not sure why except perhaps due to ignorance, impatience or maybe even laziness, but if you drink tea this way, it will start out being too weak (and too hot, if you get it from a coffee shop) and then it becomes too bitter as the tannins have over taken the flavour. What's the point?
*Note: Ryan insists that the coffee maker cannot be halogen powered as the NY Times purports it to be as halogens are inert and cannot power anything.