I went to a terrible bar on Friday night. It was really awful and may I never have the misfortune to go there again.
It both depressed and mortified me to be there - exemplary of suburbia cliche and south bay culture.
Featuring rude men sitting at the bar and about 6 silly girls dancing to godawful reggae-ish dance music on four feet of dance floor in the corner, it was the epitome of bad taste. I'll save my loathing of reggae and my even more intense loathing of dance music (especially dance music featuring reggae beats and some man shouting loudly in a jamaican accent over it) for another time, sufficed to say the music was terrible in the worst kind of bar music terrible. I don't think I need to describe the silly girls, because we've all seen them (or in some cases been them) in their stretchy black trousered, drunken, celebration of mediocrity, characterlessness and settling-for-less, dancing with each other, doing their best to mimic what they've seen on MTV.
As for the rude men, I actually had a guy purposely stand in front of me because he felt he had been waiting longer at the bar than me. Point of contention aside, I wanted water. First of all, who does that? Clearly someone who learned all too well and takes all too seriously the painful lesson of "no cuttsies" learned in kindergarten and also someone who doesn't go to bars very often... (not that there's anything wrong with _that_...) Second of all, I wanted water...life giving and hangover preventative and easily the shortest drink that a bartender can prepare, given that it is free and and comes out of an unemptyable tap and could be served by monkey. Literally.
In short, when I want to drunkenly celebrate mediocrity, characterlessness and settling-for-less, I prefer the Nuthouse. Unfortunately, I have been afraid to set foot in the Nuthouse since the Strange Man From Portugal Incident. Also unfortunately, I think I know people that like this place and it's possible that I may be drunk enough at some point to be talked into going back there. The theory of which is probably a large part of their marketing strategy.