brain hurts

I am not known for my patience and patience with myself is probably the shortest.

Years ago, while at a horse show in AZ:


I was bored and miserable for a number of reasons, so I started to knit. I hadn't really done any since I was little, but some trips to a local Jo-Ann Fabrics to pick up braiding equipment (for some reason there were no braiders at this show, so I braided everyone's horses in addition to my own. This may have been part of the reason I was miserable) I walked through the knitting section and thought that it might be fun to start again.

I knit a bag - basically just a rectangle in garter stitch that had two longer rectangles coming out of one side of the corners that I then joined to the other corners. I then bought the Stitch & Bitch book. I knitted a hat and a few scarves and another bag.

Soon after this I moved to SF where I was much busier and much more depressed and thus much more easily discouraged. My main discouragement, besides my own impatience and lack of funds was my brother's awful girlfriend sitting on my couch every day knitting. She even knit at parties - she would sit on the couch, barking at people occasionally, rudely interrupting my conversations, all while knitting a delicate, beautiful powder blue sweater that would fit her beautifully. She started AFTER me. She bought the same book as me. She refused to discuss knitting with me AT ALL despite several rebuffed attempts on my part. I had thought that this was something to bond over, a positive thing because she was such a difficult person, rather than another way for her to feel like she had to compete with me (my brother says she was terrified of me). She also got a lot better than me a lot faster, which made it worse. She was a nerdy engineer, so I'm sure that reading knitting patterns was like reading code and came easily to her, as opposed to me who tends to skim and look at entire pictures - details just get in the way. Something about reading knitting patterns just irks the hell out of me. Of course I realize that looking at knitted stuff, admiring it, wanting to knit it and then knitting it means you have to follow a pattern. But me being miserable, discouraged and impatient with myself in addition to my couch (read: knitting) space being taken up by a rude troglodyte just made me give up.

I have started again, thanks to various inspirations. One of them being La Nina's fabulous scarf/shawl that I saw first hand at Christmas time among other projects of hers, another inspiration being Margo's scarf making and a third being the realization that I will be alone and cold in Ithaca and it seems like a very apt thing to do.

So I started with a ribbed rectangle that was way too wide for a scarf. I frogged that despite a very pleasurable few hours spent knitting it. Then I decided I would learn to use double pointed needles to knit a bag. More on this later when I have stopped scaring the dog with my profanity.

I really want to master this but it incorporates literally All The Things I Am Terrible At. Paying attention, little details, patience and practice among a few other things.

ARGH.