Lists: Funny Things I Found Today On The Internet

1. Emailed to my spam account:

Confirming a cash deposit totaling Fifteen million five hundred thousand united state dollars. [15.5m] kept in custody for us in a security company unknown to the company that the content is money hence it was deposited as personal belongings.I want to transfer this money to your account. Contact me direct to my private box so that I can feed you full with details. Email:jacobkamala@gmail.com Phone:+27 83 237 33 22. Jacob Kamala (for the family)

Please feel free to email this man, so he can be sure to "feed you full with details." You know. For the family.

2. Google Sponsored link, in an email from Ryan, regarding a conversation his mother had with the mother of one of his ex-girlfriends (the one that behaved civilly upon hearing the news that he is engaged, as opposed to the one that threw a tantrum).

http://re-attraction.com

For those too lazy to visit the link, here is a smattering of the text, it reminds me of the ads for Axe body spray:

"Best-Selling Seduction Author Reveals How He Has Taught Hundreds Of Men To Attract Their Ex Back Into Their Arms... And How You Can Use These Secrets To Get Your Girl Back -- Even If She Told You Never To Call Again!"

"You can win your woman back. You can do it within just 30 days. And this system works no matter how complicated your situation is... no matter how bad you screwed up... and even if she's now dating another guy!"

[Really?? Even if I gave her herpes??No!]

"When you regain your woman's love and affection, it's not going to be by continuing to be a beta male who constantly kisses her ass. Nor is it going to be by calling her and texting her 18 times a day. (That just drives her away.)"

[Apparently.]

"A word of caution: this Is NOT the kind of guide you'll find in bookstores. It's way too controversial to be picked up by a mainstream publisher."

[Whoa! Mainstream publishers think that this is too controversial? I understand that book publishers as a rule have a moral standard that they feel they need to uphold, even if it means that they lose money, but surely this is such valuable information that it must be their duty to provide this information to people! Standards be hanged!]

"You should only get this guide if you can handle the power of knowing the exact mental hot buttons to press with your ex-girlfriend... and promise to use these remarkable mind-control techniques for moral purposes only!"

[Hear that? Moral Purposes Only.]

"No offense to the guy (because he didn't know any better), but by being so clingy and stalking his ex, he was going about it all wrong."

[Sage advice.]