Friday, September 12, 2008

Words I Hate

I hate it when people use the word "hubby". I think it's demeaning. It's irritating the same way the word "preggers" is. It's like when people refer to themselves as their pets "mommy" or "daddy." It is the same passive avoidance of labeling something what it is, because somehow, in this puritanical and American society, that's considered forward or even offensive. It makes people uncomfortable.

I think it's sick and weird to claim parenthood of your pet - I can almost guarantee your pet doesn't think you're it's mother and I also can't understand why one wouldn't call their husband "my husband." "Hubby" is awkward to say, just as many syllables as "husband" and gives one a sort of uncomfortable feeling of forced intimacy - which is another weird thing that is all too rampant.

I realise some of my best friends use this sort of vernacular but I still don't understand it.
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Another word I hate: "Proactive"

I hate it because it means nothing. It's just space filler on the myriad of job descriptions or something for your boss to ask you to be, when they have no idea what they're doing themselves.

I blame Steven Covey for the inexcusable proliferation of this word. My senior class had to take a course called 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers, for reasons that were never fully explained to us. That was where I heard this word first. He instructed us, through his series of workbooks and lesson plans to be "proactive" as well as "shift our paradigm." Nice, pretty, daring words from a Mormon. Keep Sweet!

I realise that I have known a lot of people who were probably instructed to Keep Sweet or who's sisters, mothers and possibly wives were instructed so. I hope for everyone's sake that they didn't. What an insulting thing to say to someone.

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Back to pets. I hate when breeders combine 2 breeds of dogs and then name them some annoying combination of the 2 breeds names.

Labradoodle.
Cockapoo.
Golden Doodle.

I don't care how friendly or hypoallergenic these breeds are supposed to be the names are moronic. They're not cute or clever or amusing in the least. Maybe I should be "proactive" and suggest something else. What's wrong with Labrador Poodle? As in Doberman Pinscher? Or naming them after some region where they are bred? Or the activity for which they are bred? Perhaps these are too traditional and doesn't appeal to the breeders self-endowed ideals of their own uniqueness.

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Crapspeak. A Business Lexicon.

I started collecting words and phrases when I worked for The Hedge Fund. One partner in particular was guilty of loudly shouting these annoyances across the office, the same way he would raise his voice when mentioning a famous persons name, at the same time looking around to see if anyone had heard him.

"Well, Alice, I'd like you to keep this fundraiser stuff on the downlow. Don't mention to anyone that your working on this stuff for the GAVIN NEWSOM FUNDRAISER." [shifty eyed glance around the office. "Oh yeah, YVES BEHAR may be comeing by the office later. Could you coordinate that?"

Crapspeak phrases include:

"Circle back"

"touch base"

"ping"

"shoot you an email"

the word "love" in regards to setting up meetings, conferences and phone calls

I guess this entire entry all stems of my frustration with mediocrity and the conscious acceptance and embracing of it. People who don't believe that not reading is something to be ashamed of. People who think that being uneducated is something to be proud of. The same people who want their politicians to be "average" and "just like them." I'd better stop writing. I could go on all night.

2 comments:

Nicole said...

Your post made me laugh as I am a proud mommy of a Spanesian!!

Nicole said...

A spanesian is a cross between a springer spaniel and a great pyrenees. Mine happens to be from the pound!