Monday, June 25, 2007

Surrounded by pregnancy

Yesterday I went and met a high school friend of my boyfriend and his wife. My boyfriend refers to the wife as "and his child-bride" because she's 19 or 20 or something. And pregnant.

I kept trying to figure out what exactly it was that she does other than provide fertile ground for her husband's seed and was not able to determine much. I also had a brief moment of panic when another family showed up, small children in tow.

These were the two prevailing thoughts in my head:

-I don't dislike the idea of staying at home all day with the kids, in fact I like it. I think mothers and fathers should be around their kids as much as possible and if you can afford it, you should have at least one parent at home. The only thing is I don't ever see myself in that position and I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I've never been close to marrying anyone responsible enough to be the sole breadwinner or really any kind of breadwinner or even someone capable of taking care of a cactus let alone me and/or a child. Perhaps it's because I have these conflicting principles about earning my own money, standing on my own ground and, at the same time, wanting to be taken care of and looked after. Perhaps it's because having total and utter dependency on just one human being is so terrifying that I can't or couldn't bear it. So I was totally fascinated by someone who had it all mapped out for her. The ease and simplicity of not having to make any real choices besides what to make for dinner; the docile, gentle, guilt-free acquiescence, of a pregnant 19 year old. I sometimes wish that was my world.

- The brief moment of panic following the arrival of the family. I don't know where it came from. It slowly dissipated, but was not a feeling I was unfamiliar with.


Despite all of this, I am still amazed at the restorative powers of a nice cup of tea.

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