You're stripping all the life force off of that swiss chard, man.

Today I was fortunate enough to have been made aware of these:

My brother brought them to my attention and we came to this end:

Can't you just imagine the person wearing these, speeding down the highway at 50 mph in a Prius, arguing about Burning Man on his iPhone, wearing those weird woven Palazzo pants that all the tourists in South America buy, with some over priced soy latte drink?