The Amplification of the Con.

Although the person who forwarded this to me reminded me that there are probably a million stories like it, I still think it's worth posting.


It's about a man who makes huge bids and attempts at takeovers over such companies as Sony Corp., Playboy Enterprises, Inc., but he's actually a homeless guy from the Tenderloin. At least he was, until he moved to Argentina "where he has a home, a fiancee and cats."

Here's some money, go and see a Star War.

Does anyone else think that General Patraeus' name sounds like a Star Wars character?

My Stapler

Upon losing my stapler for the 3rd time, I have since taped this picture to it. Hopefully this will serve as a gentle reminder.

What a strange, strange looking man.

Ryan emailed me telling me he needed more t-shirts. He asked me what I thought of this one, from American Apparel (in lapis).

For those too lazy to click the link*, I've provided the offending picture below and must ask the question: What the hell were they thinking?The man looks like it's laundry day and he's borrowed his mother's shirt in order to go to the laundromat between his Cheetoh snack break and the next episode of Judge Judy. Possibly, if he feels up do it, he might play some Playstation later on or watch a porno if his mother decides to go to bridge tonight. Either that or he's Gene Wilder's illegitimate son. Maybe he's both.

For more amusing t-shirts that are actually wearable: www.threadless.com


*Addendum 27 November 2007: They have since changed the picture. It is no longer of the sad, sad man pictured above, it is of the gaunt, large-headed man below. Please buy something from American Apparel. This man needs to eat.

Making fun of California

Years ago, after the gubernatorial elections resulting in California's current administration line up, I said to a friend,

"Shit. Now we can't make fun of Minnesota anymore."

Now, it's possible, that Michigan won't be able to make fun of us anymore:

http://www.maconareaonline.com/news.asp?id=18176

Although, I have to say that Ted Nugent is a far more appropriate person to run for political office, given the fact that he has, well, opinions about stuff, as opposed to Mr. Schwarzenegger, who has opinions about his hummer.

"At least he has an ethos"

It's interesting because on the point of catching his own food and not liking Hilary Clinton (albeit he is a bit more vehement on this point), I agree with him: I can't say I agree with anything Mr. Schwarzenegger believes in because as far as I can tell, he doesn't believe in anything, particularly.

Strange.

What's between California and New York City again?

Only people not from around here call San Francisco "Frisco" and California "Cali".

Craigslist, always entertaining.

Saw this ad, while perusing Craigslist. I clicked on it, not because I'm in the market to rent a 4 bedroom mansion in Hillsborough for $6500 a month, instead to see what a $6500 a month rental (that's $1650 a room, mind you) would get you.

Upon reading the ad, I realized that it gives you the right to abuse a thesaurus:

One of the parts of the "public living space" (the description of the house is divided into "public" and "private") is a "gated service yard". This was my favourite part of the ad. Why? because of this line:

* Service Yard is gated and a wonderful area to sequester kids, plants or pets

You know, in case your kids, plants and pets need to withdraw into monastic seclusion.

Animals wierder than me

I'm always on the look out for things that are weirder than I am. It helps me feel secure.

Anyway.

Here's the latest, an article from the BBC about a dog with two (2) noses. Forwarded to me by my brother and also seen on Fark.

"He said: "While we were there, sitting by the fire one night, I saw an extraordinary-looking dog that appeared to have two noses.

I was sober at the time, and then I remembered the story that the legendary explorer Colonel Percy Fawcett came back with in 1913 of seeing such strange dogs in the Amazon jungle.

Nobody believed him, they laughed him out of court."

Also from the article

"[The dog] was "quite an aggressive little chap" who stood about 16 inches in height and loved salt biscuits but "wasn't a terribly handsome dog"."

And

"He's very intelligent and with a wonderful sense of smell, as you might think."

Wholesome wear

My friend MargoBee sent me a link to this website about a new line of clothing featuring swimming suits designed to meet the apparent desperate need for modest swim wear. According to the website, their “Waterwear is the first [of their line] to be introduced because the need for modesty in swim wear is greatest and the supply is almost non-existent.”

I’d like to know who actually wrote the copy for the site because that is a strange, ambiguous, poorly constructed and nonsensical statement. Obviously if the need for apparent modesty in swim wear was “greatest” (I'm not actually sure to what context they are referring), this would have been capitalized on years ago. Since it isn’t, the supply is as, the website itself asserts, non-existent.

Until now. Or rather, since the 1850’s.

There are 3 kinds of swimwear, all featuring a spandex undergarment of some mildly offensive colour/pattern – designed to bring attention to the face - and a loose fitting black, purple or blue “Taslan” (whatever the hell that is) potato sack that they refer to as an “outer garment”. All I could think about was how ridiculously inefficient swimming in one of those things would be and that at a price of $50 - $70, one could just as easily swim in shorts and a t shirt.

But that would look ridiculous.

The designs are as follows:

“Culotte” – for the more active swimmer

"Skirted" - for more flexibility, appropriate for going "downtown" after swimming "Slimming" - unsnaps for modest out of water look and with colour lines to help give a slender look.

Awesome.

Reasons People Have Sex

I was forwarded a survey about reasons people have sex.

I skimmed it, because, well, it's a medical paper and I was only interested in "the gist", otherwise known as the abstract, and possibly the conclusion.

Basically,

"Historically, the reasons people have sex have
been assumed to be few in number and simple in nature–to
reproduce, to experience pleasure, or to relieve sexual
tension. Several theoretical perspectives suggest that motives
for engaging in sexual intercourse may be larger in
number and psychologically complex in nature."

This study attempted to learn what other reasons there might be for people to want to have sex, aside from reproduction, you want to and it feels good. The possibilities are quite numerous and amusing.

Here are some of my personal favourites, chosen because of the scenarios that could potentially cause them to occur:

"I wanted to change the topic of conversation"

"I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with another person."

"It was a favor to someone."

"It seemed like good exercise."

and my personal favourite:

"I wanted to keep warm."