Showing posts with label Craigslist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Craigslist. Show all posts

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Craiglist! Again!

In honor of this being the 400th entry, I have decided to go along with tradition and make a post involving Craigslist.

I became so fed up the other day, with regards to my furniture search on Craiglist, that I posted the following:

WRITING WITH THE CAPS LOCK KEY ON (RANTS AND RAVES)


Reply to: pers-qrvtp-1060059121@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-04, 12:39PM EST


SOMETIMES I READ POSTS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPITALS AND LACKING IN PUNCTUATION BY SHOUTING THEM OUT LOUD.




This is amusing to me, because it is true and rather a fun activity for those bored enough.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Room for Rent in San Francisco

Hello all,

Please pass this on to the homeless nearest and dearest to your heart.

Thank you kindly. And yes Stephen, I still live amazlingly, stupendously far from the mission. At least 10 minutes.

Jon

———————————

Bright, beautiful br w/ bath. Cheerful roomies.

About us:

- I am a San Francisco State graduate student in my mid thirties, studying research psychology. Former room mates have described me as easygoing, cheerful and pleasant.
- My girlfriend Kate is a designer, and creates product packaging for one of those fancy-pants design firms that San Francisco is famous for. You have seen her work at your local supermarket/grocery/corner store, or the hackneyed “been living under a rock/on a desert island/in a monastery” applies. (That is a bit of an exaggeration. I am sure I will get into a lot of trouble when she reads this.) She is also a nice person to be around.
- I am vegan and Kate is vegetarian. Neither of us faint at the sight of meat, nor have we lived with a vegetarian roommate. We enjoy to cook and do so often. Our lives are busy and cluttered, but we do our best to make sure that common areas are not. We smoke cannabis. We don’t smoke cigarettes. We have our friends over every so often for dinner.

We are looking for:

- An easy going, considerate roommate knows how to pick up after themselves, pay their share of the bills and plays well with others. We are open to well-behaved, well cared-for pets. There are hopes to add a dog to our household, though these are still in the early stages – we intend to figure out the ifs-and-whens when you are here to discuss them.

The apartment:

The room is about 14 x 13 with a 15 foot ceilings, and a full length built-in closet. The house itself is a bit over 1000 ft.², a top (third) floor corner unit with views of McClaren park. Amenities:

- Washing machine and dryer
- Dishwasher, microwave, gas stove, garbage disposal.
- Full bathroom of your own (We use the other one).
- Back deck (We should use it more often)
- Internet access, and a generous selection of digital media: several terabytes movies, tv shows, documentaries and music. And every xbox game ever created, though we never play those these days. We don’t have cable – bit torrents make it a tad redundant. There is a cable hook-up in your room, should you require it.
- Plenty of permit-free street parking (Hah! Let’s see the other ads you read today top that :>), and parking space for a motorcycle in the garage.

Location :

- Less than two miles from the Balboa Park BART station and the 280 freeway, and an equal distance in the opposite direction from the 3rd St Muni line, the Bayshore Caltrain station and the 101. The 9x bus stops right outside, and the 29 stops about five minutes walk away. Kate takes the bus and Muni to work. I take the bus to school. Stonestown and Serramonte Malls are a few minutes drive.
- Right next to McLaren Park, the second largest stretch of open space in the city after the golden gate, and just below San Bruno Mountain. McLaren Park has a leash free zone, multiple basketball courts, and plenty of open space for games and picnics. There’s also lovely long walks with views — this is not a park you will get bored walking your dog with. If you like the outdoors, San Bruno mountain is one of San Francisco’s best kept secrets. Fortunately, the fires last week did not do much damage.

We are taking pictures today. Let us know, we’ll send them to you.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

It just keeps getting better!

My brother and his girlfriend are also being entertained by Craigslist, seeing as they are advertising for a roommate:

i'm looking to sublet a room from 15th-18th. i noticed yar place is walking distance to cow palace and its where i will be during that week. i am trying out for the american idol auditions and i really really need a place to stay very bad. i'll be coming from LA, 25yo, recent college grad in biology, hoping my luck at a shot of stardom in the music industry.

all i need is a place to sleep and shower. will not use laundry or kitchen.

let me know if you are cool with this idea. i am on a tight budget and i hope to be considered. how much do you think is a fair price for these dates?

Kate said that her favourite part was the "yar" in the second sentence and I have to agree. I told her to ask for credit in the liner notes as part of the rent.

Maybe I am old fashioned, but I find the trend towards bad grammar, poor spelling and lack of proper punctuation extremely distasteful. Emails are such a poor way of communicating properly in the first place, why eliminate 75% of the tools we have to make ourselves and our intentions understood? In addition to this, the very fact that you choose not to use these tools suggests that you are uneducated, lazy or both. Whether or not that is true, is that something you really should be projecting to total strangers from whom you are asking a favour??

ADDENDUM: Just found out his email address name is "Mystery Guy". NO JOKE.

Craigslist follies, cont.

I did write back to him. The email follows.

***
Please make out the cashier's check for the purchase price of the
motorcycle, $3500, plus your shipping costs to

David Ryan D---------
1--- B-----Street
P--------, CA 9----

Also, please send to me your name and physical address, so that I can
make sure shipping details are in order before I send the motorcycle
with your shipping people.

Thanks,
-Ryan
***

I've never seen a fraudulent check before. I'm hoping it arrives
before we leave.

-Ryan

Ryan's first name is not David, by the way. Also, completeley unrelated to Craigslist, but still worthy of a note in my "odd things that happen" file, I wrote this yesterday at the airport:

I'm totally just about to get on a plane with Chris Matthews. Not that I think traveling with celebrities is really that big of a deal or anything, I just think the way I recognized him was funny:

Hey. That guy looks familiar. Is he an actor? Some 80's actor? God he looks depressed. He looks grumpy. I think he's someone who shouts a lot.

Is there an 80's actor who shouted a lot? No. He's not an actor. I think he shouts at people. OH. It's that guy from one of those shows that my father leaves on the television, that one where he shouts at people....what's his name?? Oh yeah, Chris Matthews!

For those of you who don't have a father who likes to rant at televisions, Chris Matthews is one of those "hard-hitting" journalists who asks the "tough" questions. His program is called Hardball with Chris Matthews. I've never liked what little I've seen of him and I'd like to point out that the picture on his website is severely photoshopped. He doesn't have creamy skin and rosy cheeks. He looks more grizzled in real life as well as considerably more "melted". But he had a Hardball back pack, so it had to have been him (I guess even famous people use their company swag). To be fair though, I did see him in an airport and it is a little below the belt to judge people when you see them in an airport. They are probably looking their absolute worst and feeling like crap. I know I was. Then I got on the plane and sat next to a man who had such terribly wind, I couldn't sleep.

Ahh, airtravel. I can't wait to go again and pay a large sum of money to be treated like a hostage for 5 hours. No food, barely enough liquid to keep one hydrated, and trapped in small space and very limited opportunity to relieve oneself.


Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Funny things from Craigslist (again)

Ryan sold his motorbike using one of my favourite avenues for sampling the colourful soup that is the rest of the population, Craiglist. Here is a note he received from someone, in response to his ad.

Williams Smith:

Hi
am interested in buying the bike get back
to me with more info and how long you have owns it and also like to
know if you re the original owner.
Thanks


Ryan's response:

Sorry, the bike has been sold. I'll pull the ad this evening when I
get home from work.

-Ryan

Now the strange bit:

Ok
Got it i will like to purchase as it is, and like to make the
payment asap and the payment we be via cashiers check that
i will send to you so get to me with your name and address to write
the check out.And concerning the shipping i will handle
the shipping via my shipping company so all i need to do now is to
send you a check of excess fund so you can deduct your
money and send the excess to my shipping who is currently in bay area
for the pick at yourresidence after the check clears
to my house here in Florida so get back to me with the info to send
the check out.please contact me now for immediate
arrangement
Thanks
Am happy doing business with you.

After I read the above correspondence, I came up with a response, although I suspect Ryan will just ignore Mr. Williams Smith.


Dear Strange Person Who Clearly Does Not Read Very Well,

As I stated earlier, I have already SOLD THE BIKE. In addition to this, I refuse to do business with scam artists. Maybe you aren't a scam artist. If not, I strongly suggest you learn to write properly because your illiteracy strongly suggests to me that if you are not trying to "pull something" to use the parlance of our times, you would be incapable of completing even the smallest of transactions, let alone something that involved shipping a $3500 bike across the United States.

I am curious though: what the hell were you planning on doing?

-Ryan

Friday, February 22, 2008

Craigslist (again)

Doing more research on Ithaca and I've found a job!


a little more than a assistant.


ATTENTION LADIES LOOKING FOR A FUN and informal part-time situation/job.

I am a Business owner, executive, looking for a hot personal assistant who can serve as my personal assistant and hot playmate. Please send your information, qualifications, picture and contact info ASAP.

Must be sexy and stunning! Great personality and playfulness required! I will only respond to candidates that provide a picture.

I am respectful, professional, mid 30's. Contact me today to explore this opportunity. Understand what I am looking for, an attractive female, honest, has some brains and business experience (can add up checks, make bank deposits, etc), and willing to be a 'playmate' of sorts.

If this is something you are interested in, please drop me a line today. I am a normal guy, not crazy, not weird, just trying to fill a gap in my life.




"I'm not crazy or weird." HA!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Tobias Funke Meets Craigslist

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Internet Wives and Second Life

This is a bit of a disjointed entry that is an effort to preserve information for a paper.

Rather than writing about the Craigslist Goldigger I'm going to attempt to sum up a conversation that I had with Ryan yesterday regarding internet relationships, such as the one exemplified by this man.

The article that I linked to above is the one that started the conversation - it's about a man who spends all his waking hours (between 6am and 2am) living his "Second Life" with his second wife, that is, his internet wife as opposed to his real, legally bound one.

I made a statement that suggesting that his relationship wasn't real because it wasn't based on reality.

But, in fact, a great many "real" relationships aren't actually based on reality. Also, we go through the same emotions and behaviour with online relationships as we would in the non online world - we aren't equipped otherwise. The man in the story claims that he could express things to his internet wife much more easily than to his real wife - he could tell her "anything." So despite the fact that there is no actual bearing on his life, that there is no "risk" involved in expressing himself, people still get emotionally attached to avatars representing people that don't exist.

The emotions are real, the people aren't.

It's the same situation as seeing someone on the bus everyday and conversing with them. You could be anyone, tell them anything and it wouldn't matter.

Then there's this story, which is fodder for a movie.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Craigslist, always entertaining.

Saw this ad, while perusing Craigslist. I clicked on it, not because I'm in the market to rent a 4 bedroom mansion in Hillsborough for $6500 a month, instead to see what a $6500 a month rental (that's $1650 a room, mind you) would get you.

Upon reading the ad, I realized that it gives you the right to abuse a thesaurus:

One of the parts of the "public living space" (the description of the house is divided into "public" and "private") is a "gated service yard". This was my favourite part of the ad. Why? because of this line:

* Service Yard is gated and a wonderful area to sequester kids, plants or pets

You know, in case your kids, plants and pets need to withdraw into monastic seclusion.

Friday, June 15, 2007

I heart Craigslist

I'm looking for a new place to live. I came across this Craigslist Ad. It needs no embellishment from me:

$400 GEAT DEAL FOR STUDENTshitter for rent any time


i am renting a toilet for about a half hour a day for the summer
sorry females only or drags if you are cute tp not included
you will be put though a series of not needed to know qestions
wile you are here you should not be here we will lie to you and
try to fuck you out of your deposit any way so at least you know
that we are crooked morbid asshole that would rat out my own
mother for a hit of meth, crack, heroin, or a combo rock made of all
three thanks happy pooping

ps i wont call back in time and many hidden charges so piss off